Wednesday, March 30, 2005

i walk this lonely road. Posted by Hello

and so it begins

Woo hoo! I am an employed man! These hands are employed hands. These feet are employed feet. Pay isn't something you'd go ranting and raving about but the hours are wonderfully flexible and the environment seems pretty good. Kudos to JH for going straight to the top and sweeping the marketing manager off her feet. We were employed almost before we sat for the interview. Thanks a bunch man. Don't worry if she decides she wants more than an employer-employee relationship I'll keep my mouth shut.

My very first real job.

The only other time I've come close to actually working in the real world, i.e. the world outside the army, was during ACS(I)'s work experience programme. Was supposedlly assigned to Rasa Sentosa's 'front desk'. Instead they used the bunch of us for three weeks of almost free labour. They paid us 60 bucks for three weeks of work. Six days a week. 9 hours a day. The work? We were simply put as bell boys and then basically ignored by everybody except the concierge head who got it in his head that he had to fuck us as much as possible in three weeks. That was bloody screwed up man. Instead of learning how the hotel operated and how daily business goes about, we spent three weeks lugging bags all over the shop, answering endless questions about when the shuttle bus would arrive and to put up a show of carrying the bags to collect as big a tip as possible. Well at least now I know what the inside of presidential suite really looks like.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

howdy partner! Posted by Hello

cheesecakes and job hunts

Call me naive but I never knew it was so damn difficult to get a job. This morning I lef tthe house fully expecting to be an employed man by the end of the day. Instead all I am is a tired, sleepy and ten-dollars-poorer man.
Borders to Kino to Gramaphone to Noda to Esplanade to Toys R Us. A map of disillusionment. My highest chances are with toys r us. simply because they're the only ones who havn't outrightly rejected me. Or me them.

I suppose I wouldn't mind working in good ol Geoffery the Giraffe's employ. After all those are the very same aisles where I threw tantrums and cried whenever it came to leaving time and I wasn't getting something I wanted. So sue me. I was a brat.

Well on the upside, i finally learnt how to make a cheesecake! Woohoo! Thanks a bunch Eleanor!!!
I still can barely believe it didn't need any baking at all. Instead, you put it in the freezer! Didn't taste half bad! Actually the four of us nearly finished the whole cake ourselves. Damn. Too bad no pictures.

Friday, March 25, 2005

ray charles I am not Posted by Hello


Should I or should I not?

The audition went pretty well. Seems I at least did 'Iris' some justice.

So this is the deal. I need to go for speech and drama classes to improve my stage presence. Classes that I will have to pay for myself. And they're not cheap.
But this sounds interesting. Although I doubt I'll become a Singaporean Jay Chou or something, it...well...I just don't know.

Electrico tonight! Julie julie in another day., you know it really isn't far away.......

left right left, we all fall down..... Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 24, 2005

She's hot too! Posted by Hello

Amanda Ling!  Posted by Hello
I seem to be having a really awful time finding a job in the classifieds. First time I responded to one, it turned out to be bloody door to door sales even though it said event coordinator in the paper.
Second time turned out to be one of those goddamned MLMs. Fucking CCB. The guy who started the first one ought to be locked in a room and forced to listen to MLM sales pitches 24/7. See how much he likes it.
Tomorrow'll be the third time. I can't believe I actually responded to an ad for a singer. Now I have an audition. Please don't let there be some Simon Cowell wannabe there. And now Gabriel tells me Tanjong Pagar ,where this place is located, is a bit of a gay hangout.

How the hell do I get into these situations?

Electrico tomorrow! Can't wait! Amanda Ling!!!!

of classifieds and guard duty

There was this girl in e games yesterday and she was, is, absolutely gorgeous!!! Wow she was wearing this beautiful black dress that made her look so so so so so lovely. Long black tresses, lithe figure, endless legs and soft features........


I should be so lucky.

Anyway, the signs that I have too much time on my hands and too little to do are starting to show. Yesterday, not wanting to take a midnight cab home from cineleisure, and also being denied of nightrider, Gabe and I friggin walked back home. Yep. Walked. As in made full use of my two god-given legs and imposed a bloody route march on myself. But it was good. Went through orchard point on our way back. The whole plcae is crawling with whores man! We happened to get a glimpse into one of the clubs and saw 3 girls with little red horns on their heads and not much else prancing around on the bar top. So thats how come all the maids have designer togs.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

open water calling.... Posted by Hello

just one more

I have one more excursion to the guard room before I officially leave the army. Just one more. It sucks but well, it could be worse I suppose.

I just read a post in the archive's of xiaxue's blog. This one was about her shock and indignation to find out that her brother had decided to go to church on Christmas and had decided to accept Christ. So she laid out a long piece lambasting the so called 'blind faith' that Christians display and advocate. She reserved special comment for people who, in her opinion, wouldn't stop preaching to her.

'How are you so sure prayer actually works?',

'If it did the nwhy did the tsunami happen?',

' Who is anybody to tell me how I live my life and whether or not I go to hell?'

Stuff like that. But I suppose what really disturbed me were the 259 comments on her post. Some of them were from Christians who tried to at the very least give and answer to her pertaining questions. Most of them, however, were from like-minded individuals who more than agreed with her, calling Christians 'the ones who really need saving' and 'the people from the dark side'. Many of them post theories about how the Bible supposedly contradicts itself all over the place and how Jesus allegedly is a liar. There were even two extremely long posts about how Hitler and the Holocaust was a Christian advocated affair and that Jesus was the not the Messiah, not to mention numerous entries simply condemning and insulting Christians for all they're worth.

So this is what a lot of people think of me? That I'm a liar, a fool and an irritant? That I'm arrogant, conceited, holier-than-thou and despicable?

All because I found the one person in my life who's been there for me no matter what I did, where I went; no matter how low I fell, how far away I strayed; no matter how badly I hurt him.
If thats a crime, then well, I'm glad I'm guilty.

Sunday, March 20, 2005


Tomorrow I have to watch the rest of my platoon mates finish their stint in the army and collect their pink ics while I transfer my name from my company's nominal roll to that of my junior company's. My transgression?
Two years and four months ago I failed to pass the NAPFA test. The bloody National A-something Personal Fitness Award. I think. Whatever lan jiao thing it is, the fact is I couldn't run, jump, do a single pull up and was pretty much a sweaty fat pig.
Now I take part in biathlons and would try a triathlon if I had enough money for a goddamned road bike.

But my crime still stands. I start NS first. I finish last.

How is that fair?

How does that compute?

Maybe we should go ask our roly-poly-jolly-ol-kim-jong-il-lookalike of a chief of defense force how the hell this makes sense.

ARGH......headache...too long in the sun.

Saturday, March 19, 2005


There's a girl in a blue-green bikini lying face down on an inflatable sun bed floating in the pool just outside my window............. topless.

I need binoculars.

Friday, March 18, 2005

bloody liverpool

Dammit Liverpool. Look at their frikkin line up. Its not as if they have the most unknown, untalented players in the world. Quite the contrary. So why the bloody hell do they never win in the Premier League? Against Blackburn somemore. KNNCCB. They had fifty percent more possession than Blackburn but what do they do with it? They kick it around themselves and simply enjoy running circles around Blackburn so much they completely forget they actualyl have to score.

Rantings of a long suffering Liverpool fan. What a sorry, wretched batch we are indeed.

On the up side, Brewerkz was great man. Went with the 4.9 guys. Well sorta. Lionel and Wei En and company said they couldn't make it at the last minute. Anyway, the food was marvellous and the beer was great. Or should it be the other way around? The cowboy burger is a friggin huge piece of beef with melted mozzarella cheese on top and wrapped in one times big mama bun. Just a little piece of heaven in my hands. Got a little light headed from just one pint of beer. Probably cuz I was too tired. Woke up to watch the match.

Anyone know how to put pictures on the blog? Can teach me?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

how do you come up with a new title each day?

I wonder if I ought to continue writing for

These are the arguments against writing:

- they like to cover clubbing and all which bores me to death.
- articles are generally about campus life of which I have absolutely no idea, not much anyway
- I'm lazy and I'd rather spend my days going out with friends and doing anything I want
- no pay

These are the arguments for:

- I have absolutely nothing better to do. Nothing that can honestly be considered truly worthwhile anyway
- No harm done in trying
- It might prove to be good experience and I suppose it'll look good on my resume
- It'll boost my chances of being a chick magnet. Just think, ' I'm a writer. I'm deep, expressive, tall, dark and handsome'.

I also talk a lot of crap.

Anyway, went cycling today with Desmond, JJ Chan, Kok Kok and Xiao Bai. Hit Bukit Timah trail again. And this time, I didn't fall a single time. Unfortunately Kok Kok did, and got some pretty bad scratches. Well I guess no matter how experienced you are, Bukit Timah's just waiting to claim you once you lose your concentration.
My brakes kept acting up the whole day. Or rather kept NOT acting up. My rear brakes were almost non existent and I had to use mostly front brakes. Not a good idea on a steep slope. Or a slope like BT's. Went down Woodcutters and finally ended up in AMK where I found a bike shop and bought a new pair of brake pads. Plus the guy in the shop was kind enough to give me a great tune up. Even the gears and all tuned. Bike works grear now. Thanks man if you read this.

I can't believe there was a point of time where I walked Woodcutter's with an ALICE pack on my back with a signal set inside in the middle of the night. Fucking fucking shag.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

fried rice and discount flights

Sigh. Get this. Quantas is offering a return, economy class trip to Perth for $98. Well it startds from 98 bucks. According to them it doesn't include airport taxes, service fees, insurance and fuel surcharges. Whatever those are. Anyway I doubt they'd make up much. Unless of course I'm totally wrong and they make up $600 worth and the total fare is actually $700. The catch is you gotta book by 1700 on Thursday.

One major problem. NOBODY WANTS TO GO!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!@!@!$@#$%#^
To be fair some really can't go, but for those who just don't want!!!! Sigh. Story of my life.

On a nicer point I managed to cook chao fan for the first time today. I dumped in every single sauce I could find in the fridge. And some eggs. And it came out not too bad. Actually wanted to bake something but couldn't find my mom's recipe book. Wonder where she hides it. Take it out to the world and sell!!! BUAHAHAH!! some places they call my behaviour neurotic.

Monday, March 14, 2005


Tag-board tag-board, tell me whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when it comes for you?

Sorry I just felt like doing that. But anyway, in case you havn't figured it out, I have a tagboard!!! Thanks a bunch JH.

Oh this is amazing. I got published!! Click here to read and critique my ramblings.

Hey I finally figured out how to add links too! I feel powerful today.

bukit timah banzai volume 2

Well not exactly banzai this time. I have learnt the power of control. One fall this time. Just one!!!!!
Oh for the not so well informed, I went Bukit Timah trail again this morning to cycle. The last time I went there I spent more time learning the best way to hit the ground than actually on my bike. This time however....haha! And I've got video proof too! One times video of me perfectly negotiating a technical downslope. Oh and I manage to whack and get up some slopes I couldn;t even imagine going up last time. Oh yeah. My head's getting a little big now. better stop. Later cannot fit my helmet.

If you happen to be fucking pro at cycling and scoff at the Bukit Timah trail and especially at half rate cyclists who rant and rave at the smallest accomplishment, then.... suck shit. I have a right to be happy. Going again on Wednesday. Gonna hump that trail silly!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

i am invincible!!!!

HaHA!!! I have single handedly managed to set up my wireless modem/router and turned my lovely home into a radioactive environment. How cool is that! And by me! The mountain tortoise.
I mean I don't even know how to set up a tagboard. And I asked Shaun to set up 'links' for me and he did I guess. Problem is, he put in the links header and didn't put any links. Wow.
But anyway, I feel like king now. Three computers using the net simultaneously now. All because of ME!!! ME!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Worth it braving the IT fair. Last time I asked about this from PK Computer in Funan and the guy quoted me $287. Now I got it for $215 from the IT fair. Eat your heart out sucker!!!

If you're claustrophobic, don't ever think about going IT fair. Unless of course you've decided to dedicate your life to terrorism and dear old Osama has asked you to do him a small favour. In that case, when I'm called in to go raid the place, I'll put a bullet in you so fast you won;t even have time to accuse me of anything. But anyway, the place was psychotic. Hell there was a traffic jam in Citilink! Dun even need to talk about in Suntec. Inside the hall it was like Phuture on Wednesday's but without the loud music, the smoke or the lack of light. And the hot girls. I don't know why they even bother having scantily clad girls giving out flyers. I mean, well if the girls were hot, then thats something. Problem is the girls make me think of skipping the place rather than going for a closer look. Ugh. Speaking of that, have you seen the Miss Singapore Universe 2005 girls? Why can't they make Jaymee Ong Singapore's next foreign import? So she can win beauty contests for us.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

say it again ,I'M FAT!!

Urgh, I gain weight like a magnet in a scrap metal yard.

The past 8 days I have somehow gained 2 kg even though almost everyday has been one of either, swimming, cycling, running or going gym.

Thurs - Went for run and then gym (weighed 66.8kg)
Fri - 1.5km swim
Sat - Street Soccer
Sun - Break
Mon - 8km Run
Tues - Cycled to SAFTI, swam 2.3 km and then cycled back. Bout 28km altogether.
Wed - Break
Thurs - Gym and swim. (according to my gym's machine I'm now 68.8kg)

ARG!H!!!!! Soon i'll need to do an Ironman every other day just to maintain weight.

Help Marie FrancE!!! HELP!!! i'll do free ads for you, free endorsement. Even porn flick with Christy Chung.


A man goes to see a doctor one day. After examining him a bit and then walking out of the room, the doctor comes back and says:" I'm afraid I've got some bad news, and some really bad news."
The man goes pale and gasps out :" What? Give me the bad news first!"
"Well I'm sorry to inform you that you've got exactly one day to live."
Nearly passing out from shock, the man manages to find his voice and ask :" So whats the really bad news then?"
"I couldn't reach you yesterday."

That was a good one Mr Moody.

Went down to James moody's birthday concert yesterday with jh, shaun and julia. 80th birthday for that matter, and the usual jokes about watching an episode of Third Watch played out right in front our eyes were of course present. But stupid jokes aside, the concert was awesome. Moody's got a powerful stage presence, cracking jokes and pushing his sax for all its got. And then there's Jeremy Monteiro, who almost makes me embarrassed to say I know how to play the piano. God,the speed of his fingers, the precision of keystrokes, and the groove! Hell he even started playing cross hand for a while. Oh my starry eyed surprise. Oh good Lordy.

Anyway, I was kinda subtley informed that my taste in jazz music ain't exactly music critic standard. I thought the singers were pretty good, but Julia informed me that they're actually considered average. An example of outstanding? Norah Jones. Ms Insomnia-cure.
Well at least she agreed with me on that.

Friday, March 11, 2005

some things just don't change

Yesterday was Edwin's 21st and he invited a whole bunch of people from 4.9 over.
Thats my secondary school class.

God its been five years since we all graduated and went our seperate ways, but yesterday it seemed like nothing has changed at all. Once we started talking, everyone just got noisy as hell. The old days just came back man. Jokes about 0ther classmates and teachers, especially our beloved form Kenneth Seah and all the shit we used to do then. Whispering 'kenneth, kenneth' and then acting innocent to try and convince him there was a ghost following him around, building sculptures made of charis that reached all the way to the ceiling. And then there's Malcolm. One of the guys that made life in Sec3 and 4 so interesting. How he'd drag his fat ass around doind stupid dumbass things. Like trying all sorts of way to get Fiona Ho to raise her arms so we could laugh at her armpits, or calling lao shi a pornstar. And then there's the game we invented our selves, Cruciball, deriving its moniker from the fact that we used our Crucible books to play it. Essentially, we ran around trying to whack a scrunched up paper ball from one end of the class to the other with the books. Later on we upgraded to an aluminium ball.

The usual stuff was pulled again yesterday. Tau pok, throwing him in the swimming pool. Tau pok again. And again. And then giving him his present, with the panties as a surprise. Hope his parents don't go writing to the Straits Times or something. People who do that kinda thing simply have way too much time on their hands.

Anyway, if you read this, thanks a bunch Seng PHHHOOOOOOON! it was a blast

Thursday, March 10, 2005


For some reason or another I find that everything I really really want to do or get costs a freakin bomb.

Lets see:

-1 open water diving course $395+
-1 mountain bike plus accessories I aim to get in the future $1200+
-1 Fender American Series Stratocaster $1300
-1 Marshall Amp $500
-1 cross Europe backpacking trip $2000-3000+
-1 Radeon 9800 videocard so I can play Half Life 2 $600

And the ultimate
1 Accelerated Free Fall Course in Brisbane thats breaks down to

-the course itself leading to my A-license $2620
-accomodation in Brisbane for 2 weeks $300
-return flight to Brisbane $700+
-meals and expenditures $400

Thats more than $4000 just to learn how to jump out of a perfectly well functioning airplane. So sue me. I love it.

Add all the stuff from above in and voila! I need a minimum of $10k just accomplish or accquire all of it. And these are just for the next few years.

I hope I don't develop an interest in spelunking in the Swiss Alps anytime soon.

Sigh. Why can't I be like the typical ACS boy and either have my father's gargatuan funds to throw around or already have my own busines and my own gargantuan funds to throw around.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

pain is good, extreme pain is extremely good

My old trainer, 3sg (now Mr) James Pang used to say that. We had to chant it to him every time we had a water parade. He had a ton of them. There was 'lim jui ho, lim jui ho'. There was the 'Carlsberg ad' where we'd go 'ba dap ba dap ba ba dap ba, I love you Sergeant! And if its quite all right....'. There were also what we called the Ten commandments of Platoon 15. I honestly can't remember for the life of me what most of them were but a few of them went some thing like ' same shit different day' and ' the day will always end'. But whatever they were, and no matter how loud we shouted them, we'd always end up on our hands and knees on the floor immediately following.

My thighs are aching. Cycled to SAFTI with Gabe today for a swim. At first i didn't believe you could just happily waltz your way through the gates of our esteemed officer cadet school without a pass. But i was wrong. The way things are there, they might as well not bother having any guards at all and use reverse mentality for their protection. So anyway we just cycled in without incident and went to use the pool. I wore a safti singlet for the first time in my life. It'll be the last time too incidentally. Ok heres where i puff up a little and boast a bit. I must say i'm proud of myself. After swimming 1.5km, i raced 700m with Gabriel and managed to come from behind and beat him. Before he'd only swam 800m. Woohoo!!! Almost felt like giving up cuz of teh gap but something just made me keep pushing. Ok brag time over. Actually, right now my whole body is aching. Urgh.

Someone can teach me how to put up a tag board? Or put in the standard features that everyone else seems to have on their blog and i'm too much of mountain tortoise to know how?

Monday, March 07, 2005

i know you love it but this sucks

last week i responded to an ad in the recruit section of the straits times.

Have fun and Earn lots of $$$!

We're looking for:
- event coordinators----$1400
- project team--------$1200

No experience required, training will be provided. ORD personel welcome.

Wow, i thought to myself, not bad at all. So i gave them a call and got an interview. The 'interview' turned out to be more of a briefing than anything else. A briefing that said nothing about wha the company actually did or what any of the applicants would be doing. So claiming that they need to do and on the job assessment of us ( I went with Ernest) we were supposed to come back on Monday morning.
That was today. So this morning both of us bothered to wake up early, get changed, take a bus, get caught in a jam and then, realising that we wouldn't make it, grab a cab to the office. five minutes late. Ok not too bad. We hear the people before we even see them. 10 m from the galss doors we hear shouting and cheering and banging on tables and chairs and even the walls. I give the receptionist a weird look and she just smiles and shrugs. Ok, what the hell are we getting into.
After a while sitting down and hoping the fake walls don't collapse around us from all the shaking, we meet our 'trainers', for want of a better word. Thats what they call themselves anyway. Mine were Ratni and Yana, two Malay girls. They kept up the cloak and dagger shit and just refused to say what the hell it was we were supposed to be doing till after breakfast. So there i was, the only chinese in a group of 6. The two of them brought their friends along for breakfast. No offense but I was feeling more than a little awkward. Ratni ate her food with her hands, and didn't wash them afterward.
I was bloody disappointed when i finally found out what they were doing. They're just bloody door to door salesmen. going around industrial estates of all places selling a privilege card for some bistro that sells western food and coming up with some crap about donating to charity to boot. The scary part is they seem to love it so much. At least thats what they keep telling me. Well I have to admit they're good at it. Hell both of them can speak passable chinese. But its just not my cup of tea. I left at lunch.
I need better luck with the job market.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

sir you want special?

unknown guy who somehow got my number and messaged me: hi i got your number thru irc. do you want to work as male massage? discreet. good pay.

me: err, can i have a name first? why me?

u: jason. do you have tone body? are you aj?

me: somewhat toned i guess. nope i'm not from aj. but what does this have to do with it?

u: you dare to massgae gay. you get hundred. how. if ok i arrange to meet you.

me: what? no way. i bo ji

u: can earn a lot. touch jerk. you get 150. when you want just messenge me ok.

I think my phone has been defiled by that message. If i ever find out who the hell gave my number to this guy, I'll personally post his number and address in new urban male and let him see what it feels like. I won't even need to tear him a new asshole. The gay's will gladly do it for me.

I honestly wonder what the guy meant by 'are you aj', or 'touch jerk get 150'.

Anyone out there wanna give gay massage?

Thursday, March 03, 2005

to everyone doing guard duty or 2 ntm or bdo or bos or simply can't get
away for some reason or another

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

bukit timah banzai

I am bruised and battered.

-1 circular scratch mark on my upper left back
- 1 scraped left forearm
-1 red welt on stomach
-1 red welt and bruise on left hip
-1 badly bruised left calf with cut and abrasion to boot
-1 skinned left knee
-1 right ankle with a variety of cuts and scrapes

not a bad haul for one morning.

Went cycling at the bukit timah trail this morning and just about got myself killed. Its my second time there but its the same story. The very second I take a look at the slope my balls shrink. The rain wasn;t helping either. But in the interest of not xia suay-ing in front of everyone, i go anyway, and usually end up in a somewhat abstract pose on the ground with my bike. I suppose this is where all that push, turn and roll over stuff I learnt in airborne comes in handy. I think I deserve a 10 for the acrobatic factor.
My bike lost its aura of invulnerability too. Got as badly bruised as i did. Luckily we managed to make it to Rodalink to get it fixed up.
Its so humid you could cut the air with a knife. Well at least its raining.