kill kill kill

We ought to come up with some laws to deal with all these Singaporean bad public transport habits.


1) Get on the bus straight after exercise without bothering to shower, wash up, change clothes or at least put some bloody deoderant on - Fine all your money(FAYM) and mandatory shower in hot old engine oil.

2)Hollering at the top of your voice to talk to the person right next to you - FAYM and stomping of your face into the ground; additional pouring of concentrated sulphuric acid down throat for repeat offenders and hokkien speakers.

3)Rush to force your way into the train and block people from exiting - FAYM and mandatory strapping of your naked body to the underside of the train for a minimum of 60km; additional beating into a pulp for repeat offenders.

4)Refuse to move towards the back of the bus or centre of train carraige to make room for people to enter - FAYM and mandatory leashing of offender to back of transport in question and dragging for a minimum of 20km or decapitation, whichever occurs first. Repeat offenders shall have an additional coating in fried chicken grease and thrown into a pit of ravenous chiwawas.

Of course some might consider these measures a little drastic, but hey you and I both know Singaporeans only respond to pain. And I'll bet everybody'll be having a much nicer time on the bus home.

confucius say

Oh man, just got this from big-boys;

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl!

Man who jizz in cash register come into money.

Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.

Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.

Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.

Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.

Learn to masturbate--come in handy.

Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.

Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.

Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Couple on 7-day honeymoon make hole weak.

Girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.

Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.

Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.

He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.

Man who puts dick in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.

coming out of the closet

Songs I wish I didn't like as much as I do.

Hanson - Mmmmmbop

Five - Keep on Moving

The Moffats - I'll Be There For You

Blue - You Make Me Wanna

The Spice Girls - Spice World

And Victoria Beckham's hot ain't she?

philosopiss

Godammit! I just spent an entire afternoon working on my philosophy mid term to realise that my own conclusions contradict myself. And advocate suicide bombers. Allahu Akbar!!!!

chuang qian, ming yue guang...

I wish the ancient chinese had used ang pao to send secret messages too. Then I could have both mooncakes AND money! I wonder what kind of messages they used snowskin mooncakes for. Mmmmm snowskin green tea mooncake.....

the storm divers. don't ask why 

well it ain't just nitrogen making you happy.... 

steeeam 

standing on the shoulders of giants...ok sitting 

nice and neat 

introducing M3...doraleen! 

the girl from ipanema goes walking... 

can you tell who's it? 

the group from nus 

mummy, he bully me... ben and shuying 

eh what, want to fight is it? 

truly asia 

my lover stands on sands of gold 

somewhere, beyond the sea 

divers lodge! the best of pulau aur! 

the long journey to aur. moe, me, jeri and greg 

monster pockys are called chockys 

All the way from Canada, Steven! 

Trina! The best dive buddy anyone could ask for! 

decompression

How do I put the experience of diving into words? How do I describe how it feels to be 18m underwater and have a fish 5cm away from me staring intently and curiously into my mask trying to figure out just what the hell this big black mutated sea cucumber is doing bubbling all over the place. Or finding a rare blind shrimp under an old tyre and holding it in my hand. Or looking up from the bottom and seeing hundreds and hundreds of brilliantly coloured fish going about their business above me. One of the other dive groups even saw a group of mellonhead whales! Whales! Off the coast of MALAYSIA!! Who would've thought!

Not the end. Only the beginning

narcosis

I can still feel the world bobbing up and down.

can't hardly wait

I can barely sit still here. Gonna finally be embarking to Pulau Aur tomorrow evening! Alright! Everything I learnt in the pool is finally going to come to a head this weekend. And October is looking to be pretty darned exciting too! SMRT challenge on Oct 2nd and Ace Adventure Race on the 15th-16th! Adventure racing! How cool is that? Cycling, swimming, kayaking, running, abseiling, navigation and all. Thanks so much Melvin for the carabiners and figures of 8, and Joanne at Ace Adventure for the harnesses and slings!

I'm frikkin high.

Dive dive dive dive....

BDC blues

WOOOO!!!! Diving is super super cool! It was only five hours in a small pool located in some super ulu side street near Casuarina Prata, but damn, I'm loving it. The first time you take a breath UNDERWATER....now thats something. Practicing all sorts of drills at the bottom of the pool and then realising you havn't gone up to the surface for 45 minutes!!! Can't wait to stare some fish eye to eye. And my dive buddy's great too! She teaches kids SPEED READING! How cool is that? Hopefully can pick up some pointers. Definitely gonna be helpful in school.
On the not so nice side, my predictions came true and she....IT......is getting on everybody's nerves. We're supposed to swim three laps and while everyone just goes and starts swimming, IT starts whining at the top of ITs voice about how IT can't swim without goggles. When I throw IT the scuba mask, IT starts whining that IT can't breathe. We try to stop listening around here but the performance goes on. When we're told to tread water to make sure we're water proficient, IT proclaims that it can't tread water at all and simply refuses to try, insisting on staying at the edge when everybody else is waiting for IT and suffering as a result. Even my dive buddy who tried to encourage IT was completely exasperated. Later on while we were practising the drills, IT claimed that IT had a TOE CRAMP and subsequently kept asking the instructor to excuse IT from this and that or at least let IT be last. Eventually we all got damn pissed and when IT started whining at the end of the session about how heavy the tank and gear was and how IT couldn't carry them (even though the rest of us were walking around easily with the load on our backs. girls included) , everybody just ignored IT. IT then made a big show of struggling to walk out of the pool with the gear on, looking like some deranged mutated drunk chimpanzee trying to pass a straight line test. Luckily ITs dive buddy is this quiet, good natured Finnish guy who doesn't say much. If it were me, there'd be another body parts case soon enough. Course I'd probably find a much better place to throw the bits away than orchard road.

padi

Ugh. 9 hours of watching videos of happy ang mohs splashing arounf with clunky tanks on their backs. Any trigger fish who's thinking of doing some jaw excercise this weekend is gonna end up sushi.

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I am under orders from Cheryl to do this.

I formally declare her, Ms Ong, Tuition Cooridinator Extraordinaire.

If u have friends, or relatives or friends of your relatives or your relatives relative or basically anyone within a ten metre radius around you, who happens to be in need of tution......

Never fear. Ms Ong is here. She'll find a teacher who fits the bill, oh yes oh yes she will.

I can't believe I just did that.

aw crap

How come it always seems the people you most want to lose contact with are always the first ones to find you? And that you always get the exact opposite of what you wish for.
I wished for some hot rich babe to get to know during diving, I get some fucking ugly, psychotic bitch from my OG instead. Goddammit. And the best part is she's completely oblivious to the fact that I hate her guts. Even going on my lonesome at least I get the chance to meet new people. Now I probably have to spend my time trying to stay as far away as possible from her without having to say FUCK OFF!! to her face.
The way things are going, I think I'll be a pessimist for a while. At least for the duration of this trip.

fly away

I was just sitting here minding my own business when this song came on and left me tearing.

"when will you be home?" she asks
as we watch the planes take off
we both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
she's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
as a child, she was my world
and now to let me go, i know she bleeds
and yet she says to me
You can fly so high
keep your gaze upon the sky
i'll be prayin every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly away
Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
silver-painted hair
daddy called one evening saying
"we need you. please come back"
when i saw her laying in her bed
fragile as a child
pale just like an angel taking flight
i held her as i cried
You can fly so high
keep your gaze upon the sky
i'll be prayin every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly away
ohh...
i love you too much to make you stay
baby fly away

Fly Away by Corrinne May

ARGH..MY EYES!!! MY EYESS!!!!! 

oooh lookit, gel forster-tris! 

seoul shoe sister

Wonderful. One of my sports camp ogls has just happily informed me that the company with which I'll be taking my open water dive course next weekend, is the very one whose boat sank on the way to pulau aur a few months ago. Wow. BIIIIG confidence boost. Well at least I'll be guaranteed an adventure whatever happens. I suppose this is where those monster swims with the Biathlon club come in handy. That and anything that might make me decidedly less palatable to a shark.
Well on the bright side, and by bright side I mean BRIGHT side, I finally got my new pair of shoes today! Check it out! Asics Gel Forster-Tri's! The label on the box says the colour scheme's named Chameleon Floro. I was wondering just how to decribe it.
Would've bought DS Trainer X's but dammit, just my luck they were out of stock for my size. Are there really so many people with size 11 feet around? Anyway I'm still damn happy with my second choice. Almost exactly like DS trainer, cept with elastic shoe laces for fast, firm fit and open mesh so you can stick your wet sandy feet straight in without your shoes smelling like a skunk exiled from skunk land for body odour, and of course, a frikkin WILD colour scheme so you can tell where the hell your shoes are among the hundreds of others in the transition.
I just hope nobody else gets similar ideas.

just how old is he anyway?

Answer me this, is Lee Kwan Yew really so lowly regarded that most people can't even find it within themselves to post him a birthday wish? Was on the bus home today when this woman who sat next to me suddenly turned and asked how I felt about Lee Kwan Yew, his politics and the things he's done for this little island we call home. Unsurprisingly, I was..well..surprised, and, I'll admit, wondering if she was perhaps a few wires short of a circuit. Anyway, she proceeded to tell me how she built a website in commemeration of MM Lee as a sort of birthday tribute with the expectation that it would be mobbed with people wanting to declare their respect and gratitude for his work and its evident fruition and her subsequent despair when only a few hundred actually found MM Lee worthy of a birthday wish. Her dreams of presenting the website with a long signage list as a sort of birthday present to the man himself went down the drain with an audible gurgle. But as I found out, this woman is something else. To garner some publicity for the site, she started telling anyone she could about it and asking them to consider showing ol' gramps a bit of face, which explained why she'd suddenly started talking to me out of the blue.
Anyway, enough talk.

www.happybirthdaymmleekuanyew.com

Well you have to admit its pretty accurate, as far as names go, and descriptive too. But a tad lacking in imagination eh. Come on people, he's really not such a bad guy. And lets face it, the term 'Singaporean' wouldn't carry the weight it does now if not for him.
We owe him at least that.

overload

Its so hard to jio people to do anything these days. Well anything other than clubbing or DOTA anyway. For those activities people are willing to get up at any time of the day and spend any amount of monet. Even if they've been whining about how messed up their bank account is every chance they get to. So anyway, as a consequence it leaves me having to go for my open water dive course next week all on my lonesome. Just the big open sea and me. Well on the bright side maye there'll be some hot super rich diver babe who'll take a liking to me and subsequently sponsor every dive trip we make. And we'll lounge on her yacht somewhere in the South China Sea and sip magaritas on the deck in the moonlight. Sigh. And even my imagination only goes so far before reality comes and clobbers it in the head.

Slovakapharma. Thats the name of my Cyclohunt 2005 team. Closest I'll ever be to being a doctor.

tired

I'm really having second thoughts about joining the NUS biathlon club right now. Just got back from training and I am absolutely, positively completely knackered. Today was just the swim training and I could barely complete it. Things started pretty well. There wasn't much of a briefing but I got it that we were supposed to swim 600m, which I scoffed at and swam with gusto, only to find out that was just the warmup. Then someone informed me they were going to do 12 x 200m sprints. I could almost hear the sploosh of my jaw hitting the water. And to make things worse, I'm the only one who doesn't have any swim background so I have to suffer the indignity of always coming in dead last. Ouch.

euthyphro

If there's anything I've learnt about philosophy after four weeks of lectures, its that philosophy is utterly and completely pointless. It goes nowhere, does nothing and benefits absolutely nobody. All I've learnt are that Plato and Socrates are these two ancient, maybe gay, guys with way too much time on their hands. So in fear of being recognised as gengsters pure and simple, they decided to try and smoke the people around them with all sorts of bullshit and call themselves philosophers. Modern people call philosophy a study into the way we think, the way we learn. I say philosophy does about as much good as a wind powered fan. Or a solar powered flashlight. Or Mauricio Pellegrio.

Oh and it seems I've just used up some of my fifteen minutes of fame with that photo in Urban. Wonder how long I have now.