me no unnerstand

Sometimes all I wish for is a little approval from my family. It doesn't matter what kind of accolades you win outside, how highly your friends think of you. All it takes is one disinterested glance from your parents to shatter you.

It struck me deep today when I told my mom I would be going for a ride in the evening and the expression on her face immediately turned to one of utter disgust and she started ignoring me. Not that that was something new, but somehow it just hit extra hard today. I just don't get it. Other people have their parents jumping around and cheering them on while I have trouble asking them to give me a lift to the race. I can't do a thing without incurring their wrath one way or another. Everytime I tell them I'm going out to cycle or run it'll be either a "not again!" stare and the cold shoulder all day, or a full blown top of the lungs hollering. Two Sundays ago my mother found me prepping my stuff for soccer and immediately cut my allowance by a hundred bucks, saying she didn't want to 'fund my activities anymore'. I don't get it, I just don't get it. Everyday I come home to a place where I'm a mere tolerated presence. Nothing more.

My no-whining resolution didn't last 24 hours.