adidas one
It seems Adidas has a brand new product that, according to their advertisments, can
- open portals to parallel dimensions
- allows you to do the 'God' thing and create terra firma
- run upside down
- run right side up
- run at 30 degress off the adjacent angle of the spin of the earth on its axis (whatever that is)
- provide a novel cure for insomnia
Legend has it that Adidas achieved these astounding capabitlities by implanting fragment's of Dorothy's original magic slipper's into each and eveyone of these magnificent creations. (You know, Dorothy. From Wizard of OZ? You have had a childhood havn't you?) Adidas provided no comment as to the accquisition of these precious treasures but rumour has it that they were taken from Dorothy's room as she enjoyed the attentions of both the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, simultaneously, while the Lion held the video cam. It seems the golden brick road raptured all of them in more ways than one.
Anyway, the fast fingered one was none other than Dorothy's beloved dog Toto, who was actually a top secret undercover agent in the employ of the infamous MIB, an organisation that insists on naming their agents after the letters of the alphabet and have thus condemned themselves to never having more than 26 employees, even if one of them is a talking dog from another planet.
Enroute to MIB headquarters, the transport was ambushed and hijacked by a posse of renegade Republic Commandos who'd just realised that one of the disadvantages of being Clones was that they sometimes got themselves into sticky, uncomfortable and not very pleasing situations. Apparently they'd all been screwing the same girl from the same bar every day of the week and she'd been completely oblivious, and only too happy to comply. Harnessing the power of the slippers, they opened up a dimensional portal and warped themselves into the Chinese embassy in Iraq, thus blowing it apart and making Mao Zedong quite agitated that he'd lost some of his very valuable propaganda Drones. To appease his wrath, and keep him from setting his hair dresser upon them, the Clones agreed to take the place of the Drones and make a lot of noise over a mass of rickety concrete that was due to be demolished anyway. Needing the money, they sold the treasure to the first American they could find, who happened to be an American National Guard trooper whose day job was as a research scientist in one of Adidas's sprawling underground fortresses.
Thus Adidas One was born. All hail.
- open portals to parallel dimensions
- allows you to do the 'God' thing and create terra firma
- run upside down
- run right side up
- run at 30 degress off the adjacent angle of the spin of the earth on its axis (whatever that is)
- provide a novel cure for insomnia
Legend has it that Adidas achieved these astounding capabitlities by implanting fragment's of Dorothy's original magic slipper's into each and eveyone of these magnificent creations. (You know, Dorothy. From Wizard of OZ? You have had a childhood havn't you?) Adidas provided no comment as to the accquisition of these precious treasures but rumour has it that they were taken from Dorothy's room as she enjoyed the attentions of both the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, simultaneously, while the Lion held the video cam. It seems the golden brick road raptured all of them in more ways than one.
Anyway, the fast fingered one was none other than Dorothy's beloved dog Toto, who was actually a top secret undercover agent in the employ of the infamous MIB, an organisation that insists on naming their agents after the letters of the alphabet and have thus condemned themselves to never having more than 26 employees, even if one of them is a talking dog from another planet.
Enroute to MIB headquarters, the transport was ambushed and hijacked by a posse of renegade Republic Commandos who'd just realised that one of the disadvantages of being Clones was that they sometimes got themselves into sticky, uncomfortable and not very pleasing situations. Apparently they'd all been screwing the same girl from the same bar every day of the week and she'd been completely oblivious, and only too happy to comply. Harnessing the power of the slippers, they opened up a dimensional portal and warped themselves into the Chinese embassy in Iraq, thus blowing it apart and making Mao Zedong quite agitated that he'd lost some of his very valuable propaganda Drones. To appease his wrath, and keep him from setting his hair dresser upon them, the Clones agreed to take the place of the Drones and make a lot of noise over a mass of rickety concrete that was due to be demolished anyway. Needing the money, they sold the treasure to the first American they could find, who happened to be an American National Guard trooper whose day job was as a research scientist in one of Adidas's sprawling underground fortresses.
Thus Adidas One was born. All hail.
posted by isaac! at 2:11 PM
1 Comments:
what the hell?
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