beach combing for lost gods

don't wake me i plan on sleeping in

2008-06-26T18:59:00.004+08:00

"last week I had the strangest deam, where everything was exactly how it seemed. where there was never any mystery of who shot John F. Kennedy. it was just a man with something to prove, slightly bored and severely confused. he steadied his rifle with his target in the centre and became famous on that day in November"

Soon, very soon, this will all be just a memory. And part of me doesn't want to wake up.

sharkwater

2008-05-17T01:47:00.005+08:00

I'd been meaning to get down to watching Sharkwater for a bit and finally did last week. While the underwater visuals were everything I'd expected though, I have to say I'm pretty disappointed with the message it tried to put across. In a nutshell the film is trying to call attention to the practice of shark finning (slicing off shark fins and chucking the bodies back into the ocean) driven by the shark fin industry. Considering the amoung of attention the film has already received, I'd say it's done that admirably. Its portrayal of the shark fin industry however is highly questionable.

In the first place, the main source of opinion on the issue was Paul Watson of the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society - an organisation whose raison d'etre is the persecution of crimes against marine life. Or at least what they deem to be crimes. These are the same people who created a huge ruckus when the people of a small native American tribe - the Makah - announced that they were, with government approval, to revive their traditional practice of whaling as a means of maintaining and reinforcing their ethnic identity. The plan allowed for them to catch up to 5 grey whales annually over a 5 year period. While the grey whale used to be endangered, it isn't now and wasn't in 1999 when the Makah resumed the hunt. Furthermore, they have since taken just 1 whale. The response from Sea Shepherd however seemed to indicate otherwise. Sea Shepherd vessels harrassed the Makah whaling crew and hurled missiles and racist insults at them. Paul Watson himself shouted at them over the loudspeaker "Just because you were born stupid doesn't mean you have to be stupid!" the uproar caused made the Makah the subject of death threats and all sorts of racist abuse. Bumper stickers read 'Save a Whale, Kill an Indian' and poems containing lines such as 'I'll beat up my wife, leave my kiddies bereft. This is Makah training, and tradition must not be left!' were circulated widely over the internet. All this, for a society legally taking small numbers of an unendangered animal in order to maintain a tradition of their forefathers and a foundation of their ethnic identity. Nor is this the only instance of Sea Shepherd's pursuit of a rather questionable cause. They have also done it with the conduct of traditional pilot whale hunts on the Faroe Islands as well.

I also disagree with some of the things Paul Watson says. Referring to the traditional consumption of shark's fin in Asia, he mentions in Sharkwater that he has no respect for cultures that deprive future generations of something. Yet while sharks, whales and wildlife in all its variety, are certainly worthy of maintenance and safeguarding, are traditions any less important? How much respect would future generations have for us when they realise that we've denied them much of their heritage and tradition - particularly those that form the very basis of a cultural or ethnic identity? All things considered, Paul Watson and his crew are, in my opinion, a rather dubious source from which to be garnering opinion.

The questionable practices and ideology of Sea Shepherd aside, the film also delivers very little insight into the subject at hand. While it maintains throughout that the practice must be stopped, it does little to shed light on who is perpertrating these crimes and how to stop it, making unclear references instead to 'Taiwan' and 'the shark fin mafia'. Consumers of shark's fins are lumped together as Asia, as if the largest continent in the world is a homogenous entity of ravenous shark's fin eaters. Shark's fin is after all a luxury item, and while it may be commonplace among Chinese families in relatively affluent places like Singapore and Hong Kong, just how proliferated is it in other Asian countries without quite as much economic clout? Also, considering the appeal and traditional roots of shark's fin soup, is there any sustainable way of acquiring the main ingredient without decimating the world's shark populations? Could aquaculture possibly provide a solution? Finally, the film also makes no mention of how many sharks are killed as a result of finning for the shark fin industry, and how many are killed as bycatch by the various fishing industries of the world? Instead of addressing these questions, Sharkwater simply goes on and on about not just the plight of sharks, but the plight of the filmmaker himself in the obstruction of his desire to keep on swimming with sharks.

Wow ok I've certainly gone on. Leong you did ask me to blog haha. Personally I feel a need for urgent action if we are to save the world's shark populations from extinction. We might even be saving ourselves from extinction considering the integral part that sharks play in the marine ecosystem, a vital source of food for both ourselves and the other organisms we share this earth with. However, one cannot simply demand that millions people give up what is for them - particularly the Chinese - an ages old tradition with tremendous symbolism. Furthermore we cannot simply point the finger at China and the rest of Asia as the proverbial Judas. I come from a typical middle class family in Singapore and I rarely have shark's fin soup more than three times a year. even then in tiny portions mostly inundated with soup stock, crab meat and egg white. If this is the case in affluent Singapore, then just how available and affordable is the dish in a developing country like China? Particularly at the astronomical prices that Sharkwater claims the fins go for? If we're going to do something to save the sharks we need to stop hurling the blame around and start looking for a compromise. And we need to do it fast.

Anyway for anyone who'd like to check up on the stuff I've written here, refer to Coastal Cultures: An Anthropology of Fishin and Whaling Traditions by Rob van Ginkel, chps 2 & 3.

Au Maroc

2008-05-02T06:56:00.005+08:00

Its hard to try and decribe Morocco and not render the place a complete injustice. The sights, sounds, tastes, and not to mention the deluge of konichiwas and hoi jackie chans doesn't so much take your breath away as knock it clean out of you with a kick to the guts.

The taxi driver who took me down to la place Djemma el Fna from the Marrakech airport had a few words for me, "Go straight until you see the fountain, turn right and you'll find the hostel. Do NOT let anyone guide you no matter what!"; words that I fully intended to heed to the last detail. Unfortunately, it turned out that my understanding of la fontagne (read ornate water spewing fixture occassionally shaped like a ludicrous half-lion half-fish) was wholly different from the Moroccan one (read rather drab cast iron faucet in the wall) and i of course ended up spectacularly lost. I did eventually find the hostel but at the expense of 2 euros to see off the self appointed guide who'd jumped on me the second he'd caught the bewildered expression on my face.

The days that followed were a whirlwind of immensely beautiful landscapes, the sights sounds and (not always pleasant) smells of medinas, a smorgasbord of food, and of course more konichiwas and derisory remarks than you can shake a stick at. Djemma el Fna was everything that the guide books said it would be...and more! Tajines, salted aubergines, brochettes, snail soup, orange juice and even sheep heads all for one's culinary delight. Traditional dancers beating drums all night and dragging reluctant tourists to join in their revelry; snake charmers pretty much chucking their snakes every which way on the ground and scaring the hell out of some people (including a certain Singaporean :p); and story tellers drawing huge crowds of locals and leaving the rest of us wishing we knew what they were saying. Then there are the hamams, the public baths where for 50 dirhams you get a bath and a massage. For me that was basically a bucket of hot water dumped on my head and a funny smelling brown paste rubbed all over my body before a gnarly old Arab man came and scrubbed the living daylights out of me. And then just as I was feeling nicely cleansed and ready to go, another Arab guy comes up and says its time for the massage. Definitely worth trying, if not for the faint of heart

But the best part of Marrakech was the people. A great big shoutout to Youssef and Zak at Equity Point! Without a doubt the best, most beautiful hostel I have ever stayed in! We also met Tariq, a Moroccan who took it upon himself to show us the absolute best of Arab hospitality and proceeded to bring us around the city for the next few days. When Jh was due to fly back to Barca he insisted on going all the way to the airport to see him off, and when he missed his flight, offered us the services of his internet cafe free of charge to book another flight. When he realised we weren't going to let him pay for his meal, he excused himself to go to the loo, settled the bill, and came back to the table with a wide smile on his face. Say what you will about the way this world is going but there are still some people out there who make it that much brighter. Salam alaykum Tariq. And thank you very very much.

Fes and Sahara soon!

epiphany

2008-02-22T21:59:00.003+08:00

You know its one of your guy friends' birthdays when he suddenly drag his normally lazy arse to the gym and track and babbles incessantly about acronyms such as IPPT and RT.

Amsterdam is awesome :)

handbags and gladrags

2008-02-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

Over the past week here in Amsterdam I've learnt that one of the smartest things the Singapore government could have done was to issue 2-dollar notes. And the EU really ought to think about adopting it too. If I collect any more 2 euro coins my coin pouch will be in danger of ripping through the floor of the container I call home.

This has been an amazing week so far and finally I'm properly settling in. Went down to Ikea on Monday for some much needed supplies. Like Slo for example! :))))

See he's waving hello! Wave back! :p

If you think the Ikeas in Alexandra and Tampines (honestly what kind of street name is that?) are big wait'll you see the one here. The self service warehouse can probably house an A380 and a herd of African elephants at the same time. Bedspreads, cooking utensils, shelves, meatballs, cookies and friendly marine animals were the order of the day. I'm still not sure how on earth I managed to get all that crap back on my shoulders. The Slovakian guy who came with us was dying....and he works out!! You'll notice I don't have many pictures...that's cos I only managed to get servicable batteries for my camera like 2 days ago.

Anyway the highlight of the week was tuan yuan fan!! Went down with Teck Wee to the wet markets (WET MARKETS!!) to get food for dinner. I've got to get a photo of all those stalls selling some of the freshest fish I've ever seen. Gosh they sell whole trouts for 2 euros a piece! And huge fish I've never seen the likes of before. At least not in Singapore! Oh and there was a stall selling electrical appliances for 2 euros! The owner basically just set up a makeshift stall beside his van and kept shouting "2 euro, 2 euro! working or not, I don't know!" I took the 2 euro gamble and got an electric kettle and it works! Well sorta. It turns on, but it won't turn off unless I pull the plug on it so I've gottta be a bit careful with this one. Then again, I got a working kettle for 2 euros! Beat that Harvey Norman!

Chinese New Year was an absolute blast. I think this is the first time I have ever felt any connection whatsoever to being Chinese. There were 8 people there at the table, 4 Singaporeans, 2 Australian Chinese, 1 German Chinese and a girl from Hong Kong. Perhaps it was the realisation that though we all came from different parts of the world and almost completely different cultures (the German Chinese guy speaks German and very little Mandarin), there we were partaking in a ritual and eating food that was familiar to us all. Two pots of boiling soup, 1 clear and 1 full of red hot ma la. Prawns, wantons (which I made!), meatballs, the usual meats and veggies and then a bowl of tang yuan after to usher in the new year. No visiting, no ang pow and no relatives, but this tuan yuan fan probably meant more to me than the other 23 I've had so far.

Well yesterday was a trip down to Media Market for some much needed supplies. My iPod earphones have finally died and buying new earphones has made me realise what pieces of crap those "earbuds" are. A sports mega store was next door so we stopped by and lo and behold they were selling dive equipment at unbelievable prices!!! Fins for 15 euros, wetsuits for 10 and masks for 6!!! OMG! Even better, the Heineken Music Hall was across the street and THE STEREOPHONICS ARE COMING TO TOWN!!! 2 March! Anybody interested??

Ok readings call. Later!

hamsterdam

2008-02-02T09:28:00.000+08:00

It is sooooo frikkin cold right now. The weather in Amsterdam is nothing if not miserable. I can barely feel my hands and feet right now even though the heater is at max and even the heater in the bathroom to dry the floor is on maximum power. I've finally seen snow for the first time and frankly it was one of the most terrible experiences I've had so far. Trying to cycle back home in the middle of a snow storm is a no-no. This is where living in a tropical country is absolute crap because anything below 20 degrees is absolute freezing cold.

On the bright side my orientation group is really really awesome and so very very diverse. People from the States, Germany, France, Finland, Spain, Italy and of course Singapore all in one group. Asians seem to be the absolute minority here though. Don't know anyone else from any other Asian country. Well ok India I guess but she studies in Europe so I'm not sure if that counts. Thank God too for great accomodation and stuff. I guess I'm really lucky. My room is really nice and the previous occupant left cutlery and plates and even toilet paper and detergent so I don't have to spend money on that. The Finnish girl who lives just down the hall got a room completely yellowed by cigarette smoke and with cigarette burns all over the floor. She's pretty hot by the way and the Spanish guy is so obviously hitting on her. Turns out university in Finland is free so she's just taking her time to get her degree. She's been in uni for 4 years already and she still has 2 years left. I wish uni was like that in Singapore instead of the bloody ratrace that it is.

I really wonder what school will be like. God they drink so much here I can't believe. I'm almost gone after like 6 beers but these guys can knock back 20 beers and look and behave perfectly sober. Shite I'm in Amsterdam and I'm a lousy drinker. All right I'll stop here. Gotta call Sara now. Baby if you're reading this, I miss you like crazy and I actually wish I was back now. I can't wait for July frankly :)

not political

2008-01-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

The past few days I've found myself worrying over a t-shirt.

On a whim I went over to queensway and printed this picture on a t-shirt.

Underneath I added the words "Everybody Loves Harry", a tongue in cheek reference to the sentiments I imagine more than a few of us Singaporeans have towards politics at home. I was planning on wearing that shirt to the airport when I fly off for exchange but I find myself, if not afraid, then extremely worried that I won't make it past immigration should I do so. Or that I'll have immigration waiting for me when I get back.

If you'll remember, sometime back a dialogue session was held between a certain member of the government and a panel of selected journalists. A question was asked regarding the so called "fear" that Singaporeans have of voting for the opposition and was met with laughter and a rather less than complimentary attitude. The journalist was chided for not telling the public that there is nothing to be afraid of. Well this isn't about voting but dammit I am skittish about wearing a t-shirt! I'm worried about this post even. I rewatched the dialogue just to make sure I didn't make sweeping statements. It took me a lot of debate to decide to post the picture even though I found it off the net on some random google search and I honestly don't think I'm being unrealistic in my fretting. The repercussions are nothing if not terrifying.

dutch light

2008-01-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

I was having problems getting my new mic to work on my computer the other day so I brought it down to the NUS co-op to let the "experts" take a look at it. They spent half an hour fiddling with it, poking jacks and devices in every hole, telling me about operating systems and motherboards, switching hard-disks, and finally concluding that I had to reformat my entire computer just so I could use the microphone.

Yesterday I asked Andrew over to help with the reformatting and instead he solved my microphone problem in 15 minutes. It seems when IT people have no idea what's going on they'll tell you to reformat. Kinda like how medics in the army face everything with that miraculous, all encompassing, life giving cure....Lactated Ringer's Solution. Better known as the intravenous drip.

"Medic I think I have a fever"

"Intravenous!!"

"Don't worry its just a cramp..."

"I.V.!!"

"I'm a bit hungry..."

"It's I.V. time!"

"Err...I have a third nipple"

"I'll just get the I.V. out of my pack don't you worry"

Ok ok fine I'm an ungrateful bastard.

je suis cycliste sil vous plait!

2007-09-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

It seems when drivers in Singapore want to make a right turn and notice something barreling down in the opposite direction at 40 km/h, their course of action depends not on the fact that there is something coming down at 40 km/h but WHAT that something is.

5-tonner - "Army driver sure gong gong one better not move later become roti prata"

Subaru WRX - "Spoiler so big down there confirm damn small. Maybe I can chiong..."

Cyclist - "Just go la, crash also he die not me"

Which would explain how I nearly ended up splattered all over the side of a friggin Mercedes while coming down the hill in NUS just now. I have no idea how I managed not to hit it. I was squeezing my brakes so hard my rear wheel came off the ground and I lost control and still I wasn't stopping in time. Frikkin scariest cycling moment of my life. Come on dammit we're motorists too! Just without the armour.

Optimus Prime - "Fwah really zhng until sui sui; quick quick see got number not!!!!!"

I'm sorry cai I'm very sleeepy!!!

2007-09-10T21:54:00.000+08:00

I also have a bruise the size and colour of Goliath's liver on my arm and I have no idea how it got there. How's that for being out of it

mich you rock!!!

2007-07-30T14:02:00.000+08:00

Work was pure murder today and it looked like I might've had to stay back really late, not to mention skip lunch altogether.

And then Michelle surprised me with a Big Mac meal fully paid for and delivered to my office doorstep.

THANK YOU SO MUCH MICH!!! Even though I almost messed it up by being a dodo and persistently telling the guy he had the wrong number!!! He called me up and asked if he was speaking to Michelle. I'm overwhelmed! There are times when a single kind act bascically just makes your day.

This is one of those times :)

something isn't right here

2007-07-26T10:20:00.000+08:00

The news this morning that one of the Korean hostages had been killed left me rather more affected than I would've expected. I suppose that's probably a consequence of them being Christians too but I couldn't stop thinking about what it must feel like to have one's entire life be reduced to nothing more than a bargaining chip and the irony that while we see superheroes just about eveyrwhere we go these days, they're most painfully absent from the place we need them most: right here, in the real world.

The scariest part about all this? I tried talking about it to some people and they hadn't the slightest inkling what I was talking about. The situation's been on the news for the past few days causing a huge diplomatic ruckus and its on the front page of the newspapers today but nobody gives a damn about it. Ask them about the tug of war for abn amro and you'd probably get every detail, significant or no, in the space of 30 seconds.

Its things like these that really make me think the world is coming to an end. And probably not soon enough either.

i wish i didn't bother with a safety stop so i'd be on mc now

2007-07-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

4 days of dive eat sleep later I come back to work and find 95 new messages waiting for my undivided attention, no time for lunch again and the realisation that I'll probably be going home to a paper towel covered cold dinner kept on the table while my mom and sis enjoy the latest Fann Wong drama.

ARHHHHH 9 more working daysss................

if you'll bear with me

2007-07-08T20:56:00.000+08:00

I had a hard time wording this.

A few years back I went on a church mission to trip to a little village in the Thai highlands called Huay Parrai populated by a people called the Lahu. Though it was only for a week, I would say it started something churning within me that has only gotten more and more intense as the years have gone by and the experiences have piled up. A church had been planted in that village almost 10 years ago and the people had already been greatly blessed by the Lord, expanding almost exponentially with respect to it's neighbours and becoming the hub for all christian activity in the area. But there was still this sadness in their eyes. The hard work on the fields to put food on the table aside, these people were (and probably still are) denied any rights whatsoever. As far as the Thai government is concerned they don't exist; merely a nuisance that the king deemed tolerable. Descendents of refugees fleeing one war or another decades ago, adults are denied citizenship and forbidden to move to the urban areas, confining them to villages of almost primitive conditions. Children can gain citizenship if they attend schools for a certain extent of time; schools that are more than 30 minutes away if you DRIVE and costing far more than many of them can afford. We stayed there for only a week organising a children's camp for both the Huay Parrai kids and those from surrounding villages but by the time we left their sad faces broke my heart. What made it worse was when I realised on the long drive back to civilisation was that if we went back 10 years later, most of those kids would probably still be there, but this time their bright happy eyes and easy smiles replaced by the sad resignation that seemed to permeate the demeanours of the adults. Either that or they'd be dead or in jail. During our stay we'd seen villagers get shot at by "forest rangers" while trying to gather timber to build a house. We'd seen a whole truckload of those same "forestry officials" drive jauntily into the village in camouflage fatigues and waving M-16s around while a blanket of fear descended on the people. I suppose that was when I realised that the peace and security, the basic human rights that have become a given for so many of us, especially Singaporeans, is hardly the norm for many many others.

Then there was New Orleans. For the first time I'd come face to face with desolation and destruction on a scale I'd thought only existed in movies or on tv. Moreover I'd seen first hand how the devastation of a full blown tropical storm could pale in comparison to that wreaked by selfishness, greed and political nitpicking. I never thought I would see people forced to live in half wrecked houses because they had nowhere else to go; never thought I'd see highways and freeways completely devoid of traffic while underneath them the rusting hulks of hundreds, even thousands of vehicles remain a testament to indecision; never thought I'd see kilometres of devastated residential areas left completely untouched while tourist and commercial areas were rebuilt with all haste. I saw people break down and cry in front of us while they talked about memories lost and escapes narrow. I saw the Xs and numbers that marked the houses of the people who weren't afforded even those. So much to do and so little time and yet, for the first time in my life, I had people coming up to shake my hand in gratitude when they saw us working or even simply walking the streets in our distinctive orange shirts. I suppose that was when I realisd that even if all I had were my bare hands, I could help.

People want to know what I dream about. Well this is precisely it. There are people who are being persecuted out there, there are people who need help; more than anything else I want to devote my life to giving them that help. I have no idea how I'll do that - maybe as a journalist? working with an NGO? or even as a diplomat? - and frankly I hate telling people about it because so much of the time they....well...they just don't understand. But well if you've bothered reading this far maybe you'll see where some of my motivation comes from. I'm not saying that living "the high life" and "arriving" is in any way unappealing. What I am saying is that I want the measure of my life to be more than a fat bank account and flashy cars. When I stepped into that relief centre in New Orleans with its refugee like living conditions I felt almost immediately at home. When I took my first step into Raffles Place at lunch time I felt like a bull in a china shop. I'm not sure how else to clarify what I want to do with my life.

But I hope it answers your question.

the only truth i know

2007-07-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me

Yes, Jesus loves me

The Bible tells me so

Jesus loves me, He who died
Heaven's gate to open wide
He will wash away my sin
Let His little child come in

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way
Thou hast bled and died for me
I will henceforth live for Thee

we all dress the same only our accents change

2007-07-01T20:37:00.000+08:00

10 minutes reading Luke's blog about his backpacking trip to Russia and Mongolia and I am jealous beyond belief right now. I suppose I've never been a very good tourist. I've always been more interested in following a day in the life of say a street musician in Central Park than in taking a ferry to gawk at the Statue of Liberty. Right now Luke is having the trip of my dreams and I say "Good on you brother! You have no idea how much I wish I were there!!!" I'd give just about anything to spend 9 days travelling the steppes of Ulan Bator on horseback and fall asleep to the clacking of a real train, not one that tells you to stay clear of the damn yellow lines. For anyone else who might want to read it just click right here. Dude I know when you read this you'd have already become accustomed to both what goes into a horse and well, what comes out. Get back safe soon and we can go humping BT again. I suppose it ain't Olkhorn but hey we do what we can.

They say doing an internship opens your eyes to the corporate world and drives you to new heights. Odd then that the only thing it's invoked in me so far is a burgeoning fear that I might have to do this for the rest of my life. It doesn't help that this is Singapore. It's scary that when I tell people that I would love to take a year off to just disappear; to just leave everything familiar behind and throw myself into some place off the beaten track, I can't find a single person who would agree with me. A year off is a year less that you're getting paid/making it big/building up your credentials/chasing that dream. The other day I was telling Cai and Greg about my lunch with Sheryl and her colleagues who plopped us in their BMW and drove all the way from town (ERP? What's that?) to a golf club in Fort Road so we could have lunch "somewhere relaxing". You could all but see the drool spilling out their mouths and it sure as hell wasn't because they were thinking of Hock Lam beef noodles. I remember being extremely unsettled. This is the measure of success that just about every young Singaporean aspires to isn't it. Flashy cars, designer clothes, opulent residences, expensive dinners on a regular basis and the capacity to be extravagent as and when you like it. These are the qualities we worship now in our society and it bothers me no end; a circumstance that, I suppose, renders me quite simply, an alien in the very society I was born into.

I have a dream. It's one that starts my heart racing when I think about it and evokes the proverbial drool, but it doesn't involve much in the way of monetary reward and so I get chewed out incessantly by my father demanding to know how exactly I'm going to feed my family with a history degree. Well the answer is simple. I have no idea, but I'll do it somehow. Either that or I won't have a family. Sorry dad but don't worry, you can bank on Mel. She was always the one who knew what she was doing anyway.

i know you'll call it angst

2007-06-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

Isaac Tan is becoming extremely prosperous. And no not in the pocketbook sense. Sorry I work in a PR firm not a bank.

One thing though I've gotten really tired of people giving me an incredulous look and asking what I'm doing in a PR firm when I'm a history major; shouldn't I be in a museum or something. What do I look like to you, dinosaur bones? Singaporeans (and probably people the world over) have this bloody functional fixation that seems to limit itself to liberal arts students. Find a quantum mechanical fizzy sigtzy student working in a bank, accounting firm, pr firm, marketing, finance whatever and it probably wouldn't raise any eyebrows. Swap the former with an english literature major and you'd probably be going "get thee behind me hippie!" in your head.

You know these days it really seems like nobody, absolutely nobody believes in chasing a dream anymore. Or at least a dream that doesn't involve chalking up obscene bank accounts and living the "high" life. If I went and told you what I wanted most in this world is to die knowing I'd given everything to make a difference in somebody's life, you'd scoff at me or worse, you'd give me that patronising look and smile like you meant it. Call me naive, call me a child, call me a fool, someday I'll change the world. I'll prove to you that prosperity has nothing to do with the size of your bank account. I'll prove to you that money only makes the world go around if we let it.

So help me God.

bliss

2007-06-06T11:04:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but yesterday was one of the most feel good days I've had in a while. The prospect of cooking just brightened up my day so much and I think I was practically clipping my heels together while lugging that basket around in Cold Storage. Buttons, shitakes, tomatoes, bacon, spaghetti and.....cabonara sauce. Sorry la I haven't figured out exactly how you're supposed to make your own sauce yet.

So anyway the ingredients to a feel good night Isaac style:

1 cup Broken Social Scene and assorted chillout music

1 handful spaghetti and bouncy cooking

1 pinch caterwauling on guitar and

1 Constant Gardner dvd

Oh and we mustn't forget the ice cream. I could get used to this

wilbur's amazing dandelions

2007-06-04T18:05:00.000+08:00

Hello people its been a long time since I've updated so just in case you haven't been privy to my whining bitching and general all round complaining I am:

1. An intern. I could regale you with horrific tales of late nights and toner poisoning but I suppose you've probably heard it all from every other tertiary student you know. Work has made me a victim of a paradox. These days I love weekdays because they make the weekends feel so damn good. Ditto any public holidays! And I hate the weekends because they make Monday to Friday feel like the devil's own. Oh and also I'm on this mailing list where people keep sending this story and that about this silly person buying this other silly person. Everyone else on the list seems to go googoogaga over them but they make me yawn and go looking for the lemon cream biscuits in the pantry. Ah welll guess I won't be contributing to that beach house guys.

2. Home alone!!!! If anyone were to need a picture entitled "SLOB", my living room would be the perfect muse. As of Saturday there are (1) piles of newspapers all over the floor; (2) a pile of dry crumpled laundry on the armchair; (3) a pile of WET crumpled laundry on top of the dry; (4) open unfinished beer cans; (5) apple strudel flakes; (6) unused plate and cutlery; and (7) a box of strawberry Pocky courtesy of Amanda Lin. Oei my t-shirt stinks of cigarette smoke now can?

3. Mr Anywhere!! For once my driving license entitles me to more than grovelling at my dad's feet for the car or bumping around jungles in an LSV. For the first time in my life my rather random craves and urges are finding fulfilment and gosh it feels good. Supper, ice cream and night safari anytime people!! I have no idea how I'm going to get used to the damn bus once my parents are back.

4. A disappointed academic. I did well. I really did. But not well enough. And the worst part is that I missed the deadline to get my papers reviewed because of my dumbass goldfish memory. Not sure how much good it would've done even if I had had them reviewed but still....ah well outta my head.

I'd go on about how the rebel inside of me starts screaming everytime people around me start going on about how money is all that matters but I'll rein it in and leave you with this haiku instead:

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense.

Refrigerator

that sinking feeling

2007-05-26T10:11:00.000+08:00

Times like these I really just wonder what I try so hard for.

It just always seems to end in tears.

good one la tcs

2007-05-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

All hail the arrival of full blown singlish on our tv goggle boxes!!! After all these years of sending Phua Chu Kang to night school and pretending Singaporeans speak with pseudo- American accents salvation has come in the form of…..Deal or No Deal!! Believe you me I was as stunned as you probably are. I got back home, opened up my packet of satay beehoon, turned on the tv and was greeted by the contestant’s wife going

“Eh no deal! No deal la! You go and say deal you tonight no need come home I tell you first!”

“Huh really ah?” Whereupon he turns to another woman on the inaugural panel and goes

“Eh you le?”

“No deal, no deal!” And then he turns to the final member on the couch.

“Et tu Brutus? Oh wait or was that et tu Brute?”

HAHA Singaporeans are probably the only people who can pull “la”s, “le”s and Latin all in the same breath. Oh and hokkien too!

Nbcb that Vanessa girl holding the briefcase is frikkin hot.

that's what you do to earn your daily wage

2007-05-12T15:32:00.000+08:00

Work makes Isaac MIA.

This getting up at 6 am in the morning is seriously getting to me. I'm honestly wondering how we managed to cope with school starting at 7.30 am back in the day. But anyway I suppose it could be worse. I have to be grateful for a bunch of really great colleagues and - this takes the cake - a boss with a sense of humour. I've never seen someone so eager to treat people to lunch before. 12 o'clock on the dot and he's sending out emails bugging people to go and eat. Seems to be somewhat of a common trait among the management frankly. The MD decides all the tidbits we keep munching on makes us fat boys and girls so he starts placing baskets of fruit all over the office. Then he decides having char kway teow at work would be an even better idea so he orders two huge trays of the stuff from penang road along with shrimp fried chicken and champagne and tells everyone to dig in. Honestly if it weren't for the 8 am to 8 pm days I've been pulling I wouldn't have much to whine about, which would make this blog defunct :P

On another note I decided to give myself a treat since I've given away my holidays and bought myself this!

Will Eisner pioneered the whole graphic novel artform and frankly I can easily see why.

Ok hello weekend I'm going to treasure you

if you want to tell me to stop complaining go away

2007-05-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

You know those days when nothing seems to go right and all you want to do is grump and grump and grump and grump and yet if you ever told anyone about it they'd just laugh and tell you you're being oversensitive? Well thats the day I've been having. Woot look at me. Friday night, exams are over and here I am at home drinking beer, blasting music and sticking my rants on cyberspace.

Fuck I need more hoegaardens....

don't wake me i plan on sleeping in

2007-05-03T11:48:00.000+08:00

Gosh it feels sooo damn good to be free. Well for a while anyway and for the moment, good things seem to be happening in threes. Well yesterday anyway. Exams done, caught Spider-man 3 and of course, most important of all, LIVERPOOL IS THE FINAL!!!!! Honestly, heaven knows how we keep managing to do it. Oddly enough though, I do wish manyoo was in the final instead of Milan. After watching them play yesterday I'd really rather be facing united's comic show of a defence. And considering the way we managed to totally decimate them before.... Ah well, to Athens TO ATHENS!!!!

That aside I'm gonna have to do my absolute best to make full use of the few days I have before work starts. Come Monday it'll be waking up at 6 am, strangling myself with a tie and driving a desk for 3 whole months! Oh wow look another good thing that came in threes. I hope I don't turn all Jim Carrey-ish like in that movie 23. I'm really having very mixed feelings about this stint as an intern. I know the rest of teg - one of them in particular - just relishes the opportunity to dress up and look like something out of GQ magazine - or is that Fortune 500? or Forbes? - but more and more I'm being convinced it just isn't me. Everyone around me keeps gushing about this or that opportunity to play around with other people's money and be in abject danger of cluttering up the house with all those Lamborghini and Ferrari catalouges but I don't know why I can't even bring myself to pretend being interested. Oh I won't lie and say all this material stuff isn't appealing, but I guess sitting around grinning while money literally flashes its way through me on its wireless course from one account to another just isn't what I want to be remembered for when I die.

Ok ok getting all philosophical here. I need to get a haircut and then the drag that is office wear shopping awaits me.

Dammit I shoulda paid attention when they were teaching us how to tie ties back in ACS (i).

such great heights

2007-04-21T22:20:00.001+08:00

I'm finding it very hard to decide between doing the readings for my exam on Monday or giving myself up utterly and completely to the wiles of Neil Gaiman's American Gods. So hard in fact that I've decided to do neither and waste my time blogging instead.

Honestly if there's anything I love, its the worlds that authors like Gaiman and Haruki Murakami paint with words and then anchor in my dreamy head. Talking cats, old men making it rain leeches, mechanical spiders and hard boiled wonderland. Rainbow fishes, forgotten gods, the sheepman and giants orbiting. Dosage at your own discretion. Nice with a little Broken Social Scene.They keep the little boy in me alive.

And the little boy keeps me alive.

hero in a half shell

2007-03-26T19:55:00.000+08:00

While admittedly jumping on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bandwagon and reading those old Eastman and Laird comics again I realised something.

I spent most of my young life wishing I could be like Michelangelo but turned out more like Raphael than anything else.

Wow insight of the day right? Guess you gotta read the comics to really know what I mean.

something like that

2007-03-23T00:35:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

its been awhile

2007-03-18T21:34:00.000+08:00

And its gonna be a while more before I think I'll have time to blog properly. Just finished the crappiest essay I've ever done in my entire life. 10 pages of pure shite. I seriously hate business modules and its a long story why I'm still doing them. Ah well at least its done already. I'll probably get a C- for it or something but I'll be damned if I'm gonna go touch it anymore.

Now I've got to start on one more term paper! This one's a history one though so at least I'll have some clue as to what I'm trying to argue. Ah well....the ~~shadows~~ studies call....

dammit

2007-03-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

Words betray me:
Beautiful butterflies in my mind;
Dead moths when I open my mouth for
theire release into the world

-Glen Duncan

ouch ouch ouch moo

2007-03-08T11:55:00.000+08:00

Argh my neck feels like a thousand of those angry cows from Diablo decided to come do a war dance on it

Definitely need a new pillow

grenade loud loud!!

2007-03-05T23:23:00.000+08:00

I was poking around in the study today looking for a dictionary when I came across one of those government endorsed publications chronicling the inception and development of National Service and found myself chuckling at the story of the scared shitless recruit who, when informed by his training officer that "when throw must shout grenade loud loud", hurled his menancing cargo and hollered "GRENADE LOUD LOUD!!!"
I have to say if there's anything I miss about the army, and there's not much of that, it has to be jumping. The waiting for the light to turn green, the jumpmaster's tap, the rush of gravity and the jerk that means your canopy's deployed. The clear, plain and totally undisputed logic of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Airborne! Excuse us but we'd rather not be there for the landing bit.

I have to do that again before I die.

guess who

2007-03-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

If they'd bothered to listen closer they would've been more appreciative of the vocal capabilities of Matt Bellamy. Or Dave Grohl. Or Billy Corgan. Or Stephan Jenkins. Or....well you get the idea.

Kiss me I'm famous!

le signs

2007-02-26T20:04:00.000+08:00

Maybe it's just me but these past few weeks I seem to keep coming across signs that I should be learning French.

Some of these signs are quite reasonable. A whole bunch of the people I hang out with are learning the language for example. Some of them are so into it they're buggering off to France for a year to eat canned salad, jump subway turnstiles and tell clueless gendarmes about life in China. Heck even some of my cycling mates are taking French classes privately. At a birthday party some weeks back the conversation turned to internships and interviews and made me realise just how much a knowledge of French would contribute to me getting the jobs I want. It would be pretty cool to be trilingual I have to admit. Well ok 2-and-a-half-lingual for me considering any attempt on my part to carry on a conversation in Chinese I usually give up halfway.

There have also been a few slightly less lucid signs. For one, a book that I thought perfectly appropriate for the book review that one of my modules requires turned out to be, after much searching and misplaced relief, in French. And then just a couple of hours ago while I was eating dinner, my eyes caught one of the articles printed on the newspaper my mom had used for a placemat. There, right next to the one about how Kim Jong Il's merry men finally came to a resolution about the nuclear issue. "HIJACKER FOILED BECAUSE OF INABILITY TO SPEAK FRENCH". It seems some aircraft hijacker had gone and gotten himself screwed because the pilot and passengers were eagerly plotting against him and he couldn't understand a word they were saying. Wouldn't be surprised if they popped a few Yo Mama jokes too.

On another highly disorganised and completely unrelated note, it totally slipped my mind that February only has 28 days so the book review that I thought was due next Monday is supposed to be handed in this Friday!!!

Sacre bleau....

i tawd i sawr a....

2007-02-23T10:16:00.000+08:00

You know how us army boys almost always have some kinda ghost story to tell which we would then bring to climax by spinning a yarn about how we were so darned tired from days of arduous, tortorous training that we just didn't give a rat's ass? Well at least I do. And it's 100% true dammit. But anyway, this morning something happened that sent an absolute chill down my spine.

About a month or so back I was walking past the row of houses that line the road directly opposite the Casuarina prata place when I came across a tiny house that seemed decidedly out of place squeezed in between two much larger houses. Unlike the other houses, it also didn't have its backyard walled off. Just an open fence so anyone standing outside could have a full view of the compound. Not that anyone would really bother. The place was dilipidated, infested with overgrown vines and weeds and pitch dark. Not a particularly welcoming sight. But as I walked past the house I saw a pair of arms sticking out of the grille seperating the interior of the building from its backyard. Turning, I saw someone standing there, a young woman I think. I couldn't tell which way her head was facing and her features were completely obscured by the dark. I started a little, but then as I reached the bus stop I felt a tad embarassed at my own jumpiness. "Ahh probably the crazy maid...", I told myself.

I was flipping through the papers to get to the sports section and read the article about how Liverpool came from a goal behind to beat Barca (no I will never get over that) when an article on the first page of the Home section caught my eye. They'd found a skeleton sitting on the toilet in a house along Upper Thomson Road seven months ago and still didn't know who the deceased was. There was a picture of the house too and when I saw it I had to make a conscious effort not to go spewing my pineapple tarts all over the floor. It scared the fucking daylights out of me. All of a sudden I wasn't even sure if I was alone in my own home at 9 am in the morning.

The address was printed in the article and against my better judgement I grabbed a street directory to find out if I was just being paranoid. I looked up the street and when I flipped to the map my heart was pounding like that Dreamtheatre drummer's double pedal. The house was right opposite Casuarina!!...but...not the one I saw the figure at. According to the map at least, the house featured in the article is a few units down from the other.

I can't be sure but I'll be darned if I'm gonna go check it out anytime soon....

balls shrink

2007-02-22T04:42:00.000+08:00

Half time now and Barcelona is scaring me to death. The last time I saw a match with possession going 64%-36% was Liverpool vs Watford but now it's Liverpool thats on the wrong end of the numbers.

Come on guys make me proud.....

WHAT A GOAL WHAT A GOAL!!! AND IT AIN'T BY RONALDINHO!!!!

happy new year again!!!

2007-02-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

Year of the pig. My year. Belly full of pig's stomach right now.

My dad's irked at me because I buggered off to play football at the Cage instead of cleaning.

I can't find anymore matching bedsets so now my mattress is yellow, one pillow is green and the other is brown.

Oh and this just blew my mind.

I resolve to learn how to make all these cheesy mambo sounding songs cool again by doing em acoustic.

happy easter

2007-02-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

save the cheerleader

2007-02-14T08:10:00.000+08:00

Probably as a consequence of one too many episodes of Heroes, I started having mild delusions yesterday.

As I got off the bus a huge tractor trailer went blazing by with its horn blasting a cacophony as it narrowly avoided a collision with another truck that had slowed down in front of the bus stop for some reason or another.

Maybe the uncle was just a good natured ol cheekopek trying to kua zabo but a veritable video sequence suddenly popped in my head depicting what it'd be like if the trucks had collided.

"The hero (thats me!) recoils in shock and then dashes towards the wreckage with no regard for his own safety. He pulls one person out. It's the driver of the truck that got rear ended. Battered and bloodied but still alive. Another one, this time the other driver. His right arm has been wrenched off and his head hangs at an odd angle. He'll never have to be bothered by the amorous antics of his peers ever again. The hero (thats me!) goes back one more time. He thought he saw something move while he was pulling out the body. He pushes through the smoke praying who or whatever's in there hasn't already been asphyxiated. He hauls himself up to the open door and grunts in surprise. There's a kid in there! Unconscious but breathing! It takes all his strength to haul the child out but he manages it. He cradles the little bundle in his arms as he turns...and then he notices the flame. It happens so fast it's all he can do to dive to the ground and shield his precious cargo as best as he can. When they find the little boy he has some mild burns and a broken leg but he's young and he'll be good as new soon enough. It's gathering what's left of his rescuer that's going to be the hard part...."

This is going to invite derision but...so sue me. I'm entitled to be crazy.

futile

2007-02-12T17:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I don't know why I even try. There's always going to be something that I'll screw up and bring me to my knees again.

I tried so hard for the mid term today. Finished all the readings almost a week in advance. Did research over and above what was required so I'd have a better understanding. Prepared my notes meticulously so I'd have no problem sorting out the information when I in.

And it happens.

I thought the test was 2 hours. It was only 1. I barely finished a third of what I was going to write. And to make matters worse I think I answered it wrong too.

Oh look now its raining cats and dogs and I can't go home..

mind your language

2007-02-10T09:17:00.000+08:00

One thing about being a student of the humanities is that more often than not, the things raised in class really get you thinking. I’m taking a class on minorities in Southeast Asia and the discussion today was centred on a reading about creolized Chinese societies in said region. If you don’t know what “creolized” means (I didn’t) it’s basically the outcome of a mixing and melding of cultures and languages that eventually exhibits some properties of the originals but is something else altogether. Think Babas, Peranakans and how we’ve ended up with half the goodies we eat during Chinese New Year being of Malay origin.

Language certainly played a huge part in the formation of these creolized societies and it wasn’t long before the topic of Singlish came up. Can Singlish be considered a full fledged creolized language and not simply classified under the government-censured moniker of “bad English”? After all, societies in places like Louisiana in the United States and Mauritius in Africa have melded French, along with their respective native languages, into an amalgam that is now recognised as a language on its own; a language known as Creole. Are we not entitled to label Singlish as our very own language as well?

As it turns out, Singlish cannot be considered a distinct language because it is still essentially English, albeit with a very different grammar structure and a whole lot of words wrangled from other languages. The reason why it hasn’t made the leap and, in all likelihood, will not is everywhere on our little island state. On buses, trains, taxi-cabs, walls, websites and God knows where else. Many of them exhort us to speak good English while others feature Hossan Leong telling us that “hua yi cool”. They are, in large part, the reason why we haven’t gone the way of the Nawliners or the Mauritians. Well at least that’s what I’ve garnered so far.

Really makes you wonder doesn’t it? What kind of impact would a language of our own have on a nation whose people find themselves at a loss when it comes to thinking about their cultural heritage. From my perspective, it seems like so many of us call ourselves Chinese but identify far more with an archipelago on the edge of Asia than with the Middle Kingdom. We seek to distance ourselves from the colonial moniker and yet we are encouraged to learn to speak “proper” English. I don’t know enough about the Indians and Malays to be able to make anything other than sweeping statements but to me, the idea of a language all of our own is something that is really exciting. What if we’d let nature take its course and developed something of our own. English, Chinese, Malay and Tamil in their pure forms would still be learnt of course, but as accessories to something we could truly call our very own Mother Tongue. After all almost all of us Singaporeans are at least partially bilingual. I really doubt it would be much of an aberration.

Ok I’ve somehow allowed this to get really long and anyway, my nasi lemak’s here.

But just think.

no way usa

2007-02-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

Call me prejudiced but the very second I heard about it all I could think of was

"How can they sell Liverpool to a bunch of guys who play football with their hands!?!??!?!"

I wonder if this means I now support Liverpool Soccer Club.

bliss

2007-02-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

Sitting up late listening to Lush and getting immersed in my comics has to be just about my favourite thing in the world now.

darwin yo

2007-02-05T18:38:00.000+08:00

As if it's not enough having dozens of posters plastered all over the school walls exhorting guys to burn a hole in their pockets and buy their girls handheld bee-farms to remind me that I'm probably gonna be spending v-day slugging it out with the Covenant in Halo, my class on animal behaviour has to start talking about natural selection.

Basically the theory is that nature leaves only those animals that would produce viable offspring and eliminate the rest and one aspect of this theory goes something like this.

The solid red line represents the steady stream of females going for the hunks of the species and thus explains the need for the little black box so they can take a queue number. The dotted line represents those females who got tired of waiting and decided some is better than none. The ugly ones die out and their ugly genes with them. Then the cycle repeats itself so things become somewhat like this.

Now even the hunks get split into grade A and grade B and the queue ticket dispenser has to be upgraded to computerized one.
I realized how relevant that idea is even today and how much it parodies real life. Take my own situation for example.

**Names have been changed to ensure confidentiality. If you’re not fooled and know exactly who I’m talking about, tell them they’re famous the next time you see them**

Once again the red lines represent the flow of female attentions. There are some differences though. The three oblong shapes represent an Altis, a RAV4 and a BMW 7 respectively and the kidney shaped thing behind is supposed to be a swimming pool.

Ah well I guess one less Tan isn’t that much of a loss.

not funny

2007-02-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

Today was one of the rare days I could get the car so I decided to make full use of it and not only send my groupmates home from Sungei Buloh after we were done playing Jack Hanna but went all the way down to Sentosa to meet the guys for dinner as well. My dad says the car's the only leverage he has over me so he won't let me use it until he can milk the opportunity for all it's worth. I wonder what the 160km I put on the odo today will cost me.

But thats peripheral. While we were on the way off Sentosa Cai suddenly asked me to stay calm and not make any sudden movements.

"Haha Cai, what're you..."

"Isaac, you know Seng Liang right?"

"Yeah? Huh wha.."

"He passed away over the weekend."

It's all over the biz fac now. Motorcycle accident. I saw and talked to him mere hours before it happened. In the canteen having lunch when Cai managed to walk off and leave his latop lying unattended on the table. And again during the OM lecture when we were surprised to not have noticed each other in 4 weeks of class. And I think as we were leaving the LT after cos I remember noticing one of his friend's and thinking she looked hot in her outfit. This is happening way too often for comfort.

I didn't have a chance to say goodbye.

the unbearable lightness of....well nothing..

2007-01-30T18:02:00.000+08:00

I can’t explain it but these days I just can’t help but feel totally exhausted like 30 minutes after waking up. And I mean TOTALLY EXHAUSTED. I feel the drowsiness coming on even standing up and waiting for the lift. I don’t get it. I’ve been trying to get enough sleep. Army says 7 hours right? I almost always have at least that amount. I don’t think I’m making a very good impression on my profs going to class always looking like I’d stay awake all night. People keep asking what’s the deal with the eyebags. Others keep asking what I’d got up to. When I said I wanted to go donate blood Bern said I couldn’t because I looked like the living dead and I needed the blood more than the hospital did.

On another note, I’m starting to have a really bad feeling about one of my classes. Just got off the first tutorial today and I have to admit I’m pretty shaken. During lectures the prof keeps flashing pictures of famous authors or prominent figures in history and then keeps asking “So can anyone tell me who this is?” or “I’m sure this would be a familiar face to you.”

The bad news:
I have no idea who these people are. (Most of the time I’m struggling to keep a blank look off my face and my eyes from glazing over while of course trying to shake off this goddamned weariness.)

The worse news:
Everyone else seems to be in the opposite situation! (Sometimes they even answer in unison while I sit there feeling stupid!)

Tutorials don’t make me feel any better either. From what I’ve garnered so far, my tutorial class is packed chock full of the cream of the history department crop, which essentially means my place on the bell curve is probably somewhere near the bottom of the monastery.

Sigh.

what're you made of?

2007-01-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

I'd have to say today has been just about the worst day I've ever had for my self esteem. I found out at the last minute that I needed to submit a resume to the university over in Europe for my exchange application, I hurriedly went about collecting sample resumes from people.

Bad idea.

It seemed like every resume I read contained a looong list of prestigious sounding titles and positions. Manager, analyst, coordinator, head, officer...... the list went on and on and I realised that I really could not say the same for myself. I know that I've barely had any time to work at all in the less than 2 years since I ORD-ed. In fact any time I have had has in fact been spent on one job or another except for perhaps last December when I had barely 3 weeks of holiday because of my exams finishing late. And yet I just can't help but feel so utterly and completely inadequate. I just keep feeling like the guy who keeps trying and trying and goes nowhere. Like Charlie Brown if you like, except Charlie Brown has a wonderful (if a little eccentric) dog to come home to and I, have...well...you get the picture.

Going to Janice's 21st just now turned out pretty badly too. Happened to sit in between these two high-flying political science majors who wouldn't stop talking about the "hard life of PS majors" and unknowingly systematically dismantled every last bit of the fledgling plans I had for the future. I guess you might call it a deserving reality check but right now it's just really got me wondering if I've somehow managed to lose my way somewhere. I don't get it. I feel like the most average of average people. The guy who quite simply doesn't have what it takes. I can't seem to find a single thing that I can excel in. That I can find myself in.

So thats it? The long and short of it? I'm not an outstanding student. I do well enough but chances are I won't even be able to make 2nd upper. I'm not the worst sportsman you'll find but I'm far from the best. I'm the one you'll always find left behind cycling, I have terrible ball sense on the football field and I've never even managed to so much as get an IPPT gold even once though I tried so hard to get it, even taking drastic measures like starving myself and training every single day for more than a month. I can't even find solace music-wise. I've spent a good part of my life being classically trained in music and yet I barely scraped through all of my piano and theory exams. These days I can barely coordinate my left and right hands to play simultaneously. I've played the guitar since I was sec 3 and yet up till now, after hours and hours of practice and going for lessons that I'd scrimped and saved for, I'm hardly what you'd call a 6-string virtuoso. Even my love and family life has been nothing but disappointment after disappointment. Even standing in the rain completely exhausted with my face painted green after 72 km of pure torture, my father could not find it in himself to tell his son that he was proud of him as he pinned the silver wings on my chest. Not a smile even.Thats me. Mr so-fucking-average-and-forgetable. As if anyone would even give a shit.

I'm sorry this has turned into a rant. Its been a long hard day.

who needs medishield?

2007-01-20T18:40:00.000+08:00

Anid the anticipation leading up to the big match tonight I can't help but recall an encounter with a friend's dad about a week or so ago.

Stayed over at Bryan's place because I had to go to church early and play guitar for service and ended up watching the Liverpool-Watford game with his dad. Not that I was familiar with his dad. In all the years I've known Bryan this is the first time I've ever met his dad.

Ah the wondrous ways football brings us together.

But anyway Liverpool was totally dominating Watford without even trying and yet the few times Ashley Young and the other guys in yellow shirts came forward it was a really hairy affair to say the least.

"Aiyo I think I might have to support different team already."

"Huh? Why uncle?"

"Getting too old for this nonsense. Later heart attack."

*post-match update*
More heart attacks like tonight and I will die a happy happy happy man. There will be no regrets when the worms come!!

my world is a flood

2007-01-18T16:27:00.000+08:00

I come to school grimacing in the sun and then 2 hours later I step out of the LT to find the place looking like a Castle Transylvania set; angry skies, lightning, wind and all. Maybe its true. The weather over Singapore really is controlled by that Count guy from Sesame Street.

"4, 5, 6 shibidy shams ah ah ah!"

"Upper thomson road nursery flooded ah ah ah!"

So now I'm stuck in school at least for a bit. Ah well I was going to wait for Cai so can go sign up for NUS biathlon anyway. Sprint distance only la. Full distance I'll have to pretend I stepped on a stonefish to avoid embarrassment.

Ok time to get back to reading Frank Miller's 300. Bloody good grahpic novel series. Read it before you watch the movie man.

my plug in babee!!!

2007-01-17T22:44:00.000+08:00

Whoever’s up there sitting on a cloud and pulling the levers on the weather machine over Singapore has a lot to learn about moderation. These days it’s either raining so much we’re in danger of becoming the world’s biggest outdoor swimming pool, or its so hot we really wouldn’t mind having that honour. Well at least it means I won’t have to carry a Doraemon umbrella around for a bit. Definitely smile inducing, but a tad damaging for the image.

A little rain yesterday night would certainly have been welcome yesterday night though. The Muse concert was, as expected, super frikkin awesome!! I am utterly and completely awed by Matthew Bellamy’s musical prowess. He takes making love to your guitar or piano to new heights, he’s a veritable Jimmy Neutron with the effects and dammit he even sounds good using a loudhailer on Feeling Good. Its one thing however, to be moshing on a balmy autumn evening somewhere in Europe and quite another to be doing it on a sticky humid night in tropical Singapore. Now I know what being the Christmas turkey feels like. Came out of the concert looking like I’d just done the 50m freestyle in berms and a polo tee and now every muscle in my body is aching.

I must do that again sometime.

*On another note* Thanks for coming for my 23^rd everyone!!! You guys made it rockin! Photos are up on Shaun’s photoblog pppixel.wordpress.com. I’d link it but I’ve totally forgotten what little html I know already.

hakuna matata

2007-01-10T22:23:00.000+08:00

So yesterday saw me at the bus-stop waiting for the bus to school while it poured cat, dogs and oddly sized hamsters outside. The bus finally came but because there was already another bus in the bay it ended up stopping a couple of metres or so away from shelter. The driver opened both the boarding and alighting doors but since it was pouring, all of us in the bus-stop waited for the bus to move forward once the bay was cleared. Instead the bus driver gave us an "if-you-won't-come-to-me-I-sure-won't-go-to-you" look and promptly drove off, leaving the whole bunch of us standing there in stunned silence. Luckily it didn't take long for the next bus to come.

Sometimes I wonder if we really shouldn't give the courtesy lion a nice big comeback.

wtf!

2007-01-10T10:57:00.000+08:00

Eh come on la Liverpool....

I hate it that nowadays hearing that the Reds are going to be playing team so-and-so produces the same reaction as hearing that the Lions are in so-and-so competition.

Sure lose one.

Days like these I wish I was a Reading fan....

Why I like being Singaporean

2007-01-09T17:30:00.000+08:00

"Chief Justice Chan also announced the appointment of three new Senior Counsels - Sant Singh , Harpeet Singh and Toh Kian Sing."

- CNA 6 Jan 2007

How cool is that. Chinese guy also can become Sikh.

Desaru!

2007-01-09T10:00:00.000+08:00

Ok since I'm being a lazy bitch and not going out to ride like I promised myself yesterday night, I'll make up for it by actually doing some blogging. Last weekend was an awesome cap to the holidays with a little trip to the sleepy fishing town of Kampong Sungei Rengit for some much lacked road riding. Problem was, I somehow turned out to be only guy on a road bike who went so that meant I spent almost all of the 90+ km I traversed on my lonesome. Which also meant I got lost, had to call ppl in Singapore for directions, took the long way home and lived my life according to blue distance markers tacker to white concrete buttes for a few hours. I also got rained upon, majestically sunburnt and moo-ed at by a bunch of particularly curious cows. See I told you cycling was fun!

The name Millenium Hotel was perhaps a tad optimistic in my opinion. The hotel reception sold slimming pills and massage machines, the rooms were dusty and smelt of ...well...something and complimentary bottled water meant we could help ourselves to whatever bottled water previous patrons had left behind.

Some pre-setoff narcissim in the toilet like all those hot chick bloggers except I'm not a hot chick nor much of a blogger anyway. Sorry la I still think the jersey is damn cool. Eyes closed not my fault. Too early.

Here comes the sun doo doo doo doo

That'll give the room some character

Cycling, seafood and sleezy hotels. Doesn't get much better than this.

Guess I never really thought the uncle would be a PCD fan

Not exactly the NYFD I suppose

Your typical 6th Ave house...

except this isn't exactly District 10

Ah well back to school..

happy endings

2007-01-03T03:15:00.000+08:00

So here we are again. A curtain call, a final bow and then the curtains seemingly complete their descent in the blink of an eye. And then you can’t quite make out if that was applause you’d heard. Oh wait, its not the end yet isn’t it? Just the transition from one scene to another. That’s it. The final scene’s still a long way away isn’t it? That’s when the applause will come; when the crowd breaks out in rapturous appreciation and numerous standing ovations. Yes that’s it.

Isn’t it?

You know how sometimes dreams seem so real it feels as if you’re wide awake and physically there witnessing every sight and sound, feeling every brush against your skin…..and then you wake up and that world is a distant memory? I guess you might say that’s what the year past seems like to me.

A year of road bikes and spandex and a taste for the thrill of high speed, not to mention being left behind. A year of funny races, girls displaying pure grit and rappelling down ropes in busy shopping malls. Of sewing names on pillows, making videos and getting pissed off at slackers with German names, not to mention finding someone I can bitch to who will agree with me (thanks Bern!).

Of mugging, realising how many people I know in the law fac and meeting the girl of my dreams in highly unexpected circumstances.

Of going to America and learning more about myself than I suspect I’ll ever know. Of realising for the umpteenth time He’s there for me no matter what happens. And then forgetting again. Of evil amusement parks, cramped apartments, inane heckling and people from all over the world. Of rigged games, giant soft toys and the total loss of any sort of fear of roller coasters that might have existed before. Of blacks, whites and the rural American.

Of ruined homes, flooded districts and picking out people’s lives from the rubble piece by piece. Of hammers, crowbars and being moved almost to tears by the owner standing off at the side stoically telling us he’s gotten over it.

Of travels, shopping and flings with random English girls for whom you’d helped fix an ipod and then pissing her off when you’d unknowingly snubbed her. Of conflict, being a right arse and travels on your lonesome. Of langa-ing cars, missing flights, Beluga whales and a whole bunch of whale sharks that left my jaw hanging around my ankles for a while. Of Monty Python, Central Park, the New York Fire Department and “We will, we will rock you!” Of having a discussion about Islam and the world with a French-Algerian Muslim and an Italian/Belgian Roman Catholic while looking out at Ground Zero.

Of monster late night study sessions, Fong Seng and blasting music with the windows wound down. Of working harder than I’ve ever worked before and not getting the results to show for it. Of coming to terms with the fact that it doesn’t matter how you feel if she doesn’t feel it too. Of John and Paul and Ringo and George.

The verdict isn’t out yet but one thing’s for sure. It’s been some year.

cinderellaporn

2006-12-25T02:18:00.000+08:00

I've come to the conclusion that the Thais simply have us utterly beat when it comes to the food department. Well ok perhaps not in the international variety aspect but definitely in that bastion that we Singaporeans are so damned proud of.

The street food. The roadside hawker stalls and auntie selling durian off the back of a modified pickup truck which Grace mistook for a tuk-tuk. When you take your first bite out of just about any dish you can almost hear the deep baritone voice from the heavens going "OWNING!!". Wanton mee own us. Kuay chap own us. Char kway teow own us. Beef noodles own us. Orh luat own us. Teh peng also own us. Wah seh even kaya toast also own us.

On another note I have a huge bag full of new clothes to unpack and a completely untouched packet of 16 Marks and Spencer Christmas cards (2 designs!) that I think I was supposed to be done with by today. Ah well.

Merry Christmas la!

FACT

2006-12-19T01:50:00.000+08:00

Youth camp was quite simply AWESOME!

Even if I did feel like a senior citizen a number of times I have to say I had a blast at a camp that I did not look forward to or have much hope for. Jude, Alpha, Andrew, Roy, Mel, Carolyn, Cheryl and Willie I have to thank you so much for restoring my faith in the future of the AMKMC youth fellowship and for putting a burden in my heart to be there for you guys and the ones like you. Truly God answers prayer.

A major part of the camp was visiting homes for the elderly and bringing them Christmas gifts and all. I'd only been to an old folks home once before in my life and I have to admit that I was a little freaked out by it, having been presented for the first time the despair and destitution that old age can bring. The prospect of going to Orange Valley had me more than a little apprehensive. On arriving I felt really helpless because I found myself unable to communicate effectively with the residents not least due to my crappy chinese and non-existent dialect. But the youth blew me away when they showed no sign of hesitation and eagerly engaged in conversation with the ah gongs and ah mas and showed a tenacity I could never have imagined. Andrew even went so far as to start giving out hugs to each and every resident, a gift they recieved with huge smiles and lots of gratitude. So many of these people have stories to tell and, for a while at least, they had someone to tell them to. I could only watch in sheer admiration as these youth loved as Christ did.

A few weeks back I'd been feeling hopelessly lost in my Christian walk because I felt as if I was going to service simply because it'd become my Sunday ritual. I'd felt stagnant and purposeless. But if anything, this camp has made me realise just how much talent is bubbling under the surface among all the youth and how much they need people to help nurture that talent for the Lord. A long time ago I was one of those young faces looking up to the older leaders for a hint of what I could be. Now its my turn to take up the role of being the mentor and I hope somehow, somehow I'm up to the job. And perhaps learn a thing or two myself from them. All for His glory!

Matthew 6:21

2006-12-13T23:46:00.000+08:00

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

They're plastered up on Tangs and right now these words say a lot about how I'm feeling. The annual church Youth Fellowship camp is tomorrow and I'm really losing the battle to persuade myself to go. Even the fact that I've already paid the $25 full-timer fees isn't much of a compulsion really.

The question is.... where the frikkin hell is my treasure?

you know you make me breakout!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

I am completely and utterly and exhausted but DAMN! that felt good!!! I really could get used to this post-exam thingy. Didn't get home before 4.30 am the entire weekend!

Friday: Rocked out at Ben n Jerry's Cathay with Mark's band putting up one helluva performance. Mark that was the shit man!! When you guys did Lets Get It Started the whole of Cathay was gathered outside there!

Saturday: Showtime for Changing Frames, our church drama production and then after headed down to some party near Holland Road. My goodness there were 7 (count em) SEVEN cars in there. 2 SL 500s, 1 big big Mercedes, 1 BMW 6 series, 1 Mini Cooper and 1 decidedly out of place Mitsubishi MPV. SMLJ, 2 of those cars would've paid for my entire home already. Shag. And the party was held in the so called "entertainment wing" that was totally seperate from the other two wings of the house; a wing thats already like 4 times the size of my place!!! The party was pretty good too though I think I drew quite few stares by spending an inordinate amount of time staring at the fish in the koi pond. So sue me I like fish ok!??!?

Sunday: Woke up late and missed service but went down to NTU to play street soccer and boy it's really been waaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too long. Habib's "testimonial" match before he goes back to Australia and dammit it just felt so damn good to be kicking a ball again. Although I did spend a lot of time between the sticks because I was too shagged out to run anymore.

On another note, I GOT THEM MUSE TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man I can't wait to see em do Hysteria or Stockholm Syndrome or Map of the Problematique live!!!!!!!!

burndt jamb

2006-12-06T02:28:00.000+08:00

Quick quick who wants to form a band tell me now!

I am dying to do Time Is Running Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our time is running out

2006-12-05T02:13:00.000+08:00

I honestly can't believe how apathetic I am towards my exams. I mean I put in all the effort to prepare for them but on the day itself I feel...well..absolutely nothing. One more paper on Friday (way after everybody finishes and the same day that both Dee and Bern are buggering off to Bangkok) and I find myself barely even caring. Shit from tomorrw onwards studying in the library is going to be a lonely affair.

On the upside the weekend was frikkin awesome! Didn't get back before 4.30am three nights in a row and was in a perpetual stupor (at one point supplemented by a few Heinekens) but damn that felt good. Chaperoned the amkmc kids for their night cycling on Friday night and I guess I just relished getting back in the saddle. I realise I'm a really bad role model though. Rear wheel slipped and lost balance for a split second and the first thing that comes out of my mouth?

"CHAO CHEE BYE!"

Then when we got to some bridge near the No Signboard Seafood place in Kallang everyone dismounted to cross except me.

"Err doesn't the sign say we should get off and push our bikes?"

"Don't worry rules are meant to be broken one."

Somehow I think I'm on my way to having a ticket to hell with my name stamped on it.

**In other news, OMFG 4-0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can proudly start becoming a walking Carlsberg advert again!!!!!!!!!!!!**

damnnnnnnn blardi cute

2006-11-24T12:22:00.000+08:00

Well my second session of "on-the-job-training" (read: you'll work and we won't pay you! muahahaha!) as an usher and the event turned out to be some primary school musical! I could barely keep from laughing out loud as all these little kids pranced around on stage in fairytale costumes and sang cutesy pie songs! Everything was just so.....erm....cute? The fairytale names, the frilly costumes and overdone makeup, the pri 1 little boy trying to pull a mariah carey and not being all that successful and of course the super ultra cheesy plot that could only be pulled off by a bunch of 7 year olds. Cinderella, Sleeping Betty, Ruby the Red Riding Hood and Goofy the big bad wolf's son go save FairyGodmother and Fairyland! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! As one of the other ushers put it

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

And as if to remind everyone that this was in fact a government school production there had to be the standard multi-racial song and dance sequence. So we have the male lead and a fairy singing and dancing about how wonderful it is that there are Malays, Indians and Chinese all living happily together....in Fairyland. And when they started rattling off names of dishes in the song I had to put a hand to my chin to keep my jaw from dropping. Eh we Singaporeans really one kind..

Laksa, chee cheong fan, roti prata, satay, orh luat, fried rice, hor fun, hokkien mee, char kway teow......

Tear

2006-11-24T00:24:00.000+08:00

For everything You've done for me
Hung yourself upon that tree
I'd like to say, I bow my knee
Lift my voice and worship Thee
But I know if I should try
I'd be telling, one big lie

Lord I'm weak and I'm broken
I've lost my devotion to You
And I'm tumbling down
Being tossed all around
I can't seem to find my home....

And then I see you standing there
My burdens, sorrows, my sins to bear
I know I've lost my way somewhere
Jesus I need you to help me mend this tear

You showed me how to be someone
Eyes on heaven, praise be the Son
I tried my best, I tried so hard
Took one step, crumbled apart
Now I know, I understand
After all, I'm only a man

Lord I'm weak and I'm broken
I've lost my devotion to You
And I'm tumbling down
Being tossed all around
I can't seem to find my home....

And then I see you standing there
My burdens, sorrows, my sins to bear
I know I've lost my way somewhere
Jesus I need you to help me mend this tear

I know I've lost my way somewhere
Jesus I need you to help me mend this tear

bank account blues

2006-11-20T18:28:00.000+08:00

How come its like so damn difficult for me to earn money?

Some people coach sailing earn oodles.

I can't even pry myself out of bed to train for ippt.

Some people get free tenehneh speakers.

I get free small pack of super-ring from arts club when I show my matric card.

Some people stand around wear clothes for a couple of hours get 200 bucks.

I become guinea pig, wear funny attachments on my chest, blood pressure clasp on my arm, take readings and fill up journal every half an hour and cannot bathe for 24 hours, get $150.

tamade :(

exodus

2006-11-19T09:09:00.000+08:00

This is it I think.

I'm sitting here on a Sunday morning and service starts in 7 minutes and I realise that I just really don't want to go. I can't muster any enthusiasm for it at all. Honestly going to service and cell group these past few weeks have been nothing short of a chore. To tell you the truth, I dread going to cell group every Saturday because it means I'll have to put on a facade again. Pretend I'm actually learning something or being 'refreshed' when I'm not. I try to arrive after they're done singing songs of praise because I know that I wouldn't mean a single one of those lyrics. You're supposed to feel refreshed and good after worship, and God knows I did in the past, but now I just feel like the world's biggest liar. Ditto for service on Sundays. Why am I sitting here typing this? Because I really really don't want to go all the way to that tired old room and watch the fiction unfold. I'm not sure how many of those kids really know what they're there for. I think I used to know but I don't now and I'm tired of saying I do.

I need to leave.

The hardest part is how to tell my friends about this. Friends whom I've known for just about all of my life and who are in leadership positions all over the shop, including leading my cell group. I've got to attend disciple group with jh and Nelson later and honestly I'm dreading it. I can't see it as anything other than a waste of time right now. This session has somehow managed to keep getting postponed and to tell you the truth, I've been so relieved everytime. I can truthfully say I was actually relieved to get the recall order a couple of Saturdays back and head all the way back to camp because it meant I wouldn't have to sit through disciple group.

I need to leave. I wish it hadn't come to this after all these years but I need to leave.

here's where i pretend i know something

2006-11-19T01:04:00.000+08:00

While not-trying-very-hard to study psychology yesterday I came across this bit about an undergraduate's stress scale. The chapter was Stress and Health. You can just hear Alanis Morrisette singing in the background can't you?

But anyway this scale gave 'stress units' to different kinds of things that could happen to an undergrad in the past 12 months like having 2 exams on the same day (80units), financial difficulties (84 units) and even being raped (100 units!). You're supposed to add the scores of all the stuff that applies to you together and then you get a measure of how stressed you are. Supposedly if you get a score below 150 you're fine and dandy and if you get something above 300 chances are you might be in for a visit to the madhouse sometime in the near future.

I got 744

Bloody hell....

the heat is onnn

2006-11-17T12:09:00.000+08:00

Just handed up my final assignment of the semester and sitting in the library in a drowsy stupor. I have 13 days to go through about the facets of the Korean, Vietnam and Gulf Wars, 500 pages of psychology and aboout 3000 years of fucking Chinese imperial history. I'm really really tempted to write some anti-chinaman statement right now but ok I'll exercise some restraint. Suffice to say that in my almost 23 years of existence I've yet to meet a chinaman worth anything more than a lump of donkey poo.

Ok rant over.

On a completely different note, I just found out (to my immense chagrin) that two seperate groups of my friends just happen to be going to Thailand at the exact same time so they're gonna be meeting up and having a whale of a time! Aw crap! And here I am going with Mark and Grace, who just have to insist on getting the king size bed and not the two twins.

Shit man Mark. I'm sleeping in the bathtub.

vocab

2006-11-15T02:34:00.000+08:00

The plural of moose is NOT meese.

bike theft project

2006-11-14T19:02:00.000+08:00

My dad really ought to see this considering how he keeps giving me a hard time over my insistence on keeping the bikes in the house. Given this was in NYC but really, the situation in Singapore isn't much different.

sigh

2006-11-13T02:12:00.000+08:00

Well at least I'll never walk alone...

say huuuh?

2006-11-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

Wow, as if its not enough that they haven't exactly got a reputation for being the brightest people about, Americans have found themselves a new cause to campaign for.

To ABOLISH HOMEWORK on the grounds that:

"There is nothing that shows that kids will be smarter or better educated...if they do homework. So kids are spending a lot of time doing work that nobody has really been able to say is beneficial"

Well at least so says the co-author of some anti-homework book.

Um...well...ok lady, whatever floats your boat...

above the wreckage

2006-11-12T01:34:00.000+08:00

Its 0125 in the morning and I really should be sleeping considering I pulled yet another all nighter trying to finish some project report. Thank goodness thats one of the last assignments I have left so I can get down to studying proper. Now its just one more essay and that damned exchange application. Hungary here I come!

Hmm... I'm supposed to go join jh and company for the 2nd Link run tomorrow but looks like I'm gonna pass. But then again it'd be nice to know whether I can still pull 10 km. Can't believe the last RealRun I took part in was more than a year ago already. Shucks really need to get training again. Problem is, I need people to motivate me. Any volunteers?

Aimless surfing got me flicking through a whole bunch of food blogs and got me thinking what the hell happened to my cooking aspirations? Thats it, once the exams are over I'm getting my hands dirty again. Hmm.. ok I meant that purely as a figure of speech..

On another note I found the blog of the guy who's doing the Friday night gig at Ben n Jerry's Cathay now. Used to be Mark's band taking it up but they're kinda on a hiatus because of the exams. *shudder* Anyway, I don't often tell people this but seeing them up there really just makes me wish it could me performing. I think singing and playing in a band has been something I've dreamed of since God knows when but somehow I've just never managed to find the people and sometimes even the courage to pursue it. I'll admit it, when I watch any band play, especially covers, I get more than a few 'hey i could do that' moments, be it EIC or 7-in-a-Car. Ah well what the hell. Rallying call people. Essential ingredients: 1 electric guitarist, 1 bassist, 1 drummer. Hmm, a keyboard wouldn't hurt either. Haha especially not if you look like Amanda Ling....oooh...Amanda Ling...

And on a final and totally unrelated note. Thought it'd be interesting to find out what a club's official media writes about itself when its all the bottom of the table so I went and took a look at Newcastle's webbie. Now that is truly a classic exercise in positivity. No talk at all about the dismal state of the club and the terrible way they've been playing. Just talk about what a great job Glen Roeder's doing and his always positive outlook for the next match. God I hope that never happens to the Reds.

Herald to the faithful. Arsenal tomorrow boys. YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE!!

zhong fucking guo

2006-11-08T12:05:00.000+08:00

Right now, the words "goddamn motherfucking pissed off and want to burn all of beijing down" would just barely cut it to describe what I'm feeling.

Finally get back this research paper on imperial chinese history back and lo and behold, it heralds a first in the personal history of Isaac Tan. For the first time in my life I've been told that my 'english needs more work'!

Now normally I wouldn't be very much offended, if at all. But the dog that tells me that my english needs work is a goddamn motherfucking cheebye CHINAMAN!! And not just any chinaman.A chinaman who wouldn't be able to pass the QET (qualifying english test) if you held a gun to the collective heads of all his family and friends. And to make it worse he lambasts the whole class for crappy english, proclaiming his right to condemn us. This, from a guy who pronounces 'chariots' as 'choice' and 'infantry' as 'iffy'.

Yeah I know he might speak bad but write good. But an examination of my paper shows him penalizing me not because I had utilised bad grammar or vocabulary, but simply because he could not understand the way I was putting things. I know I'm usually a culprit of using more words than is strictly necessary but then Shakespeare didn't get where he was by being particularly concise did he?

Ok rant over. Temper's draining out. I'm just really really sore about being robbed a grade because my school would rather save money and buy one of these 'budget phds'. Why should students be expected to pass a qualifying english test when their english is deemed not good enough when there are lecturers running around who can barely even make themselves understood?

fuck

endurance

2006-11-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

This marks the my 38th straight hour of being awake.

Well ok not counting occasionally collapsing briefly in front of my computer.

I should be in the Impreza challenge then at least got car to show for and chase za bo.

Oh well at least I got to see the sunrise.

zzzzzzzzzz

no face already

2006-11-04T13:33:00.000+08:00

So the ride on Thursday was going pretty well. Managed to maintain bout 34-36 km/h all the way and stuck with at least some of the pack though we all chickened out of going the Raffles Marina route.

And then on the way back it happened.

Was pushing off at a traffic light when the whole £)%£($%£)$*"£ saddle just happily FELL OFF the bike. And along with a whole bundle of parts. Onto the MAIN ROAD. So there I am in the middle of a busy road still half clipped in with bike parts strewn all over the road, and about 20 cars barrelling down towards me with their horns blasting and headlights flashing like mad. Think
split-second-before-becoming-roadkill deer.

Luckily there are some subtle differences between humans and deers so I try desperately to make my way to the pavement. And this about the time I realise my bibshorts have somehow managed to get themselves hooked on one of the screws that used to hold the saddle in place.And what better place for them to get hooked at but at (you guessed it) my frikkin arse. And so you have an orange clad deer with his bike parts all over the floor and dancing around trying to detach his bum from his bike.

Shit.

decisions decisions

2006-10-31T19:33:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself to go and ride with Old Man and company and everything in my head is not being very encouraging. Yeah guess the thought of being left behind again isn't a very motivating one.

Ah well....time to get changed.

The new Adidas Giranos are nice but damn they're heavy...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shit the timing got changed and my frikkin backlight is not working....

And I can't help but admit I'm a little relieved.

here we go again?

2006-10-30T11:55:00.000+08:00

Standby week till this Sunday

Go all the way to frikkin Changi from Kent Ridge

Got zero pack items and my boots have turned white

Who got car can loan me for the week?

weird

2006-10-30T03:18:00.000+08:00

Isn't it weird
Isn't it strange
Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train
We're both trying to find a place in the sun
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes
Yeah, ooh

Isn't it hard, standing in the rain
Yeah you're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear, but you're screaming so loud
You feel like you're all alone in a faceless crowd
Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes

Whoa, sitting on the side, waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change
Reaching for a hand that'll understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world, being different is a sin
So you don't stand out, but you don't fit in
Weird

Whoa, sitting on the side, waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change
Whoa, reaching for a hand that'll understand, someone who feels the same
When you live in a cookie cutter world, if you're different you can't win
So you don't stand out and you don't fit in

Ooh, isn't it strange
How we all feel a little bit weird
Strange, how we all get a little bit
Strange, how we all feel a little bit weird, sometimes
Oooh, just a little bit weird sometimes

days of yore

2006-10-28T22:19:00.000+08:00

Just the other day I happened to hear part of a panel discussion about the newest round of changes our beloved education.

Yes I'm being sarcarstic.

Well anyway, they call up one of the panelists and lo and behold, its none other than my ol' ACS (I) principal!! Didn't hear them call out his name but the second I heard that voice I just knew who it was.

And immediately got caught up in a burst of nostalgia.

All those days started by standing in front of our classrooms and feigning interest while he went blabbing about yet another achievement or award or initiative or reasons for us to donate money. Can still remember him swaying in front of the mike with an almost obscene repetitive motion. He'd go on tip toe and jut his crotch out for a second or two before pulling it back again. Hands behind back, feet lightly spaced and.....there we go...

The best is yet to be la....

of bt and italians

2006-10-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

Well what a week its been. Been a loooong time since I last updated here and not least because of the gauntlet of schoolwork I seem to be having to run week in and week out. But at least now I have some breathing room. 7 days to the next essay deadline. Phew. Beats having 4 essay deadlines and 1 mid term test in that same space of time.

But anyway, thanks Justin for helping me let it all out with the invite to BT!! Shit man. Barrelling down a steep craggy slope at breakneck speed knowing a little loss in control could mean disaster is just so damn therepeutic. But then you wouldn't know would you eh Justina? Haha. I have got to start doing this regularly.

In other news, took part in some street soccer competition on Sat and lo and behold, we made it all the way to the quarter-finals! Unfortunately that also meant that I'd be late for my grandma's birthday dinner, to my mom's chagrin. Picked this up from my cousin during the dinner though:

'I've come up with the perfect anecdote for the Italian football team.'

'Whats that?'

'Watching the Italians play football is like watching a your clothes in a washing machine.'

'Hmm..how so?'

'They're both unbelievably boring....and everything you see is tumbling around.'

history lesson

2006-10-03T15:00:00.000+08:00

Sunday was special because I actually managed to have a conversation with my parents for longer than 5 minutes without me getting into a fight with them, or them getting into a fight with themselves. Somehow conversation drifted to what Singapore was like when they were growing up and for the first time in a long long long long time I found myself fascinated.

My mom talked about how my Ah Gong used to give her 20 cents a day to eat and she'd skip all the laksa and char kway teow sellers for the ice balls, sweets and candies resulting in her losing a bunch of her teeth to decay when she was relatively young. She's been wearing dentures for as long as I can remember but I never did know the reason. She talked about how hawkers those days couldn't afford to buy eggs and cai dao kway was an eggless affair with loads and loads of black sweet sauce. If you wanted an egg thrown in you'd have to bring one of your own and they'd cook it for you for no extra cost. How you could lower a basket with money in it from the window of your flat and bring it back up with whatever goodies the hawker downstairs was selling. And of course she made some comments that nearly sparked a big fight but we managed to hold our tongues and let her be.

My dad went on about what it was like for his family during the Japanese Occupation. He was born after that was over but my eldest uncles and aunties had all been present. In fact I might have one more uncle today if it wasn't for the occupation. Seems he got sick after eating or drinking something and died soon after. He talked about how my paternal grandfather had to go out fishing and prawning in the river when there wasn't enough food and how he'd have to bring my eldest uncles along to help. How they'd have to bear with the sight of decomposing bodies floating in the river because that was where all the prawns and fish gathered. How they'd have to put it out of their minds that the food on the table had been feasting on human flesh just a while ago. My dad was really lucky I guess. Well relatively lucky anyway. Up till that day, I'd had no idea, no inkling of what my paternal grandfather had been like or what he'd looked like. No photos, no stories no nothing.

They told me about what it was like going to school and getting sent back home in a hurry during the racial riots and how my mom had been scared out of her wits. Singapore's come so far now I just can't imagine the streets empty and policemen at every other junction. At that time, going out on the streets was akin to a deathwish.

Some things never really change though. My dad told us about how a platoon from 1 SIR got badly mauled by Indonesian troops during the Konfrontasi because they'd found a nice clearing beside a stream to relax and then kena ambushed. HAhaha that just sounds exactly like what Singaporean soldiers would do today. Except now they'd be arguing about who gets the curry flavour and who gets the prawn flavour maggi mee too. Well ok at least my platoon would've been like that.

Ok guess I'd better get to class already. History class ironically. You can learn a lot in school, but the most poignant classes happen at home..

truth

2006-09-24T21:53:00.000+08:00

Coming home makes me hate the world

Highlight of The Week

2006-09-21T13:57:00.000+08:00

Woohoo I downloaded the entire Exo Squad series!

Now if only I could download time to watch it.

Isaac's Quite Accurate Chinglish - English Translation Guide

2006-09-12T22:06:00.000+08:00

In a bid to foster better communications and relations between Singaporeans and those hailing from the land of ~~mountain tortoises~~ many many people, I present the first ever Chinglish – English translation guide. Hope it helps in deciphering the rent-a-phd our schools seem to be so fond of these days.

bugats – bureaucrats

bear-sick – basic

breens - grains

campenis – campaigns

conseared – concerned

cusmack – cosmic

dongs – zones

distense – distance

dois! – Taoists

fei lan tou – for example

gahmen – government

hillp – help

inboi – envoy

jello – general

lanched – launched

la-ballon - rebellion

monfay – monthly

pants – peasants

spling – spring

samoa – small

regypt – region

tu-stloriod – two thousand

unix – eunuchs

There, hope that provides some insight into the way those ~~arses~~ lovely people speak.

blackbird

2006-09-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

Just caught I Am Sam yesterday and now I'm just obssessed with the soundtrack. Gosh I do so love the Beatles.

On a high note I found a damn solid and pretty darned cheap xiao long pau stall nearby my home!!!

poor poor pepe

2006-09-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

Reina looked like he was going to burst into tears after that goal. I think I'll go join him. Fitting end to a mega messed up week.

Anyone want to take part in the Fuji Xerox Open Water swim with me? Make some money for the Children's Cancer Foundation.

how to spend a no life saturday

2006-09-09T18:28:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG!!! REMEMBER THIS!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?

weekend blues, and orange and REDS!!!!

2006-09-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

So its Saturday again and gosh the week's flown by yet again.

Went for the morning ride with the Absolutees but had to turn back earlier because I really wasn't feeling well. Had problems keepin up even before reaching Longhouse and then had difficulty breathing later on. Chances are, I'm probably going to come down with something pretty soon. Shucks there go my chances for the TTT. Oh well I should probably wait a bit before doing my first race anyway. Patience baby patience. Hell thats the name of my bike.

And if the coming weeks are going to be like this week, I'm going to need a lot of that. Been a week of rushed deadlines, monster study sessions in school till 3.30 am, half-fuck appointments, people who don't reply messages till 8 hours later, cancelled soccer and bloody frikkin deep essay questions. Oh yeah and one jackarse vomit blood tuition kid. That plus its fuckin irritating that this being dateless week after week is getting to me more and more. Specially after I find out my own frikkin sis thinks I'm gay cuz I've never brought a girl home before. Like fuck. Argh.

Sigh ok right now all I wish for is that Liverpool turn on the power and wipe Everton off the map
tonight. My one request. PLease....

Garfield

2006-09-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

It really says a lot about yourself when Jon Arbuckle has a girlfriend and you have to spend Friday night sitting at home alone..

daaaaaaaaaaaaamn pai seh

2006-09-02T23:15:00.000+08:00

Argh sometimes I really should listen to that little voice in my head. The alarm was all set for 6am so I could make it for the T@ ride but somehow at 5am, something in my head kept shouting for me not to go. And boy was I tempted.

Shite I should've succumbed to temptation.

While slogging up the Lornie Road flyover my front wheel got caught in the Thai's rear and down I went. And then the Z-Man can't stop in time and goes endo on top of me. And now we have a pile of carbon, steel, men and bright lycra in the centre of a busy road at 6.30 am in the morning. I'll bet people coming back with those hangovers thought they were seeing things.

And then I get left so far behind that Old Man had to give me a call just to make sure I wasn't dead.

orange anthem

2006-09-01T00:48:00.000+08:00

Every Saturday morning and Thursday night

I hang out with a bunch of men in tights!

No not like Robin Hood and his merry band

Oh shut up about Cyclops and those X-men

No instead of shooting beams from our eyes

We believe the secret lies....between our thighs!!

Aluminium, carbon, titanium thats the deal

Hell some of us even have em made of steel!

Now before you think this poem unsuitable for the tykes

I'm merely referring to our trusty ol bikes!!

Bloody hell i need a girl friend.....

fug

2006-08-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

The lan shop can't find my driver's license and I just realised I sent my notes to the library CBLC for printing and then promptly left without picking them up.

I give up..

sid

2006-08-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

I have come to the conclusion, perhaps a bit late, that I really am getting thoroughly senile. Yesterday I realised that I'd forgotten, for the the 3rd day in a row, to bring my camera along to WOMAD. So I actually dragged my arse all the way back home from church just to get it and then go down to Fort Canning only to step into my door... and totally forget what the hell I was there for. So now I have frikkin zero photos of WOMAD 2006. Bloody hell.

And its only today that I realise I've been missing my driver's license for the past three days and never noticed it even though it stares back at me everytime I open up my wallet. Well at least it had stared back at me. Now its gone. Left it in some LAN shop in Katong when went to DOTA with the guys. BUT THAT WAS FRIDAY!!!SMLJ!!!

Its just really ironic that we're dicussing the intricacies of memory and history in one of my modules right now. Argh at least I still have my Heineken keg full of autographs which I managed to get one of the hot Korean chicks from Dulsori to sign...

creaky creaky ouch

2006-08-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

So today marked the first time I've gotten on a bike, much less a road bike, in just about 4 months and my goodness, I'd forgotten about the pain.

Don't even talk about the ride. Just getting to the start point inspired my badly out of shape quads to start protesting. And my back...oh my frikkin back. My god I sound like a 60 year old. The ride itself....OMFG...the guys decided today of all days they'd go do the 'Gap', which is basically that long windy stretch on South Buona Vista road that is all the way uphill and bloody frikkin shag. TWICE. And then go for a long ride after. I made the first lap but after the 2nd I got left behind and finally a bit lost. No idea where the other guys went so I just went home.

I am spent. Ugh.

And now I gotta go figure out how to stop Apple from cheating my money.

and a dash of hollandaise

2006-08-19T13:51:00.000+08:00

OMG Dirk Kuyt signed for Liverpool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the EPL starts tonight!!!!!!!

Oh joy. Oh cheer. Lots of ice cream and beer.

I'm sorry you have no idea how football starved you can get in the States. Well at least the football you actually play with your feet.

le long le long

2006-08-19T11:40:00.000+08:00

Justin, Marc, Joanna, Yifeng, Mark, Denise, Becky, Carrie

I got you stuff. Come and claim. Or I'll feed to the elephant in my backyard

reboot

2006-08-19T10:43:00.000+08:00

Like its not bad enough that all my friends have suddenly decided they want to start looking like the governor of California, my dad handed me a letter on Monday informing me that in 4 months time I will officially become a disgrace to the legacy of the beret and will be hunted down and fined.

Bloody hell. Thanks la.

America isn't exactly the land of health conscious freaks. Its the land of milk and honey. And sugar. And salt. And high blood cholestrol. And clogged arteries. And people who ride around in electric carts because they can't walk anymore.

On the bright side I have been inspired to try to get myself back to at least some semblance of physical fitness. My god what happened to the days when getting gold was something I could actually aim for. What happened to the motivation?

Well at least it hasn't been too bad a start.

Wed - 500m swim
Thurs - 1km swim
Fri - 900m swim

I'm gonna find those glory days.

2006-08-15T22:47:00.000+08:00

maybe someday we'll have a sign like that in singapore. the last option especially

somewhere in the middle

2006-08-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

It hasn't been 48 hours since I got back and well honestly, it feels like I've never been away. It feels like the three and a half months in the States have passed like dream and now I've woken up again. Not necessarily a good dream most of the time for that matter. The wonders of modern technology. Its pretty surreal when I realise that less 3 days ago I was walking the streets of NYC, scouring the shops for last minute souveniers for people I remembered at the last minute. Today I'm sitting at the bus stop outside my place again waiting for the frikkin bus to take forever to come. Funny how I can be so patient in New York and so impatient here. So impatient that right now I don't feel like posting the pictures from travelling because there're just too many of em. Dunno how I'm ever gonna get them developed. If you wanna see em, catch me when I'm carrying my computer around. Actually its becoming a little draining for me jumping straight into school because my body's still trying to decide which time zone it wants to be in. I got back at 0630h on Monday. I went for class at 1600h on Monday. I can't sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch without waking up and staying awake for at least 2 hours. Argh, so many things to do and I'm just sitting here wondering if I can get by not doing them.

I don't even know what the point of this post is

disclaimer

2006-08-12T13:12:00.000+08:00

I get back on Monday morning and if I forgot to get you anything...it means I forgot about you.

Ok ok I'm sorry

2006-08-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

this is what i'm talking about you deprived bugger